Hurricane // Matty Healy ♣ The 1975

45. please

Denise hugged me when we all went back inside.

"It's lovely to meet you finally, even if the circumstances aren't... great at all." She said. I hugged her back and tried to let everything sink in. 

"Yeah. I'm sorry about everything, it must be extremely difficult." I said as we pulled apart. She nodded her head, it was the first time that night that I had the chance to get a look at her puffy eyes. 

"We're all in the same boat, darling." She said softly. I nodded my head and chewed on my bottom lip, wincing as she rested a hand on my shoulder. "Oh, sorry." She said. I shook my head. 

"Don't worry about it, it kind of reminded me I wasn't dreaming, which isn't that great really, I'd much rather be dreaming- Sorry, I'm rambling." I said nervously.

Denise and I spoke in hushed voices for about five minutes before she went to the bathroom.

I sat down next to Louis and looked at him, shooting him a reassuring smile.

"I feel like saying everything is going to be okay, but I doubt that would help." Louis said, I shrugged my shoulders gently.

"I dunno, I'd like to hear someone besides myself saying it." I said.

"You're not though." He stated, dragging his hands through his hair.

He looked like Matty, but younger, with shorter, lighter hair, more colourful clothes and his lips were thinner, his eyes didn't make me want to cry every time I saw them and he didn't look like he had been through Hell and back, several times, like he did when we met. 

Somehow, no matter how together Matty looked, I could never picture him as anything other than what I saw on the train to London. 

The corner of my mouth turned up ever so slightly, despite the tears forming in my eyes. 

"I am, in my head." I told him quietly. 

I needed to see Matty again. I wanted to hold his hand this time and talk to him even though I knew he wouldn't be able to hear me, no matter how loudly I spoke, or how hard I cried, or how close my lips were to his ear. He wouldn't get any of it. 

Maybe somehow he could hear me, but he wouldn't be able to reply, and he probably wouldn't remember when he woke up. If. 

I shook my head and stood up. 

"I'm going in there again," I told Louis. "Are you coming?" I asked, even though I didn't ant him to. He seemed to sense this and shook his head. 

"Nah, I'm okay." 

He was okay.

I was okay.

George was okay.

Denise was okay.

Tim was okay.

Adam, Ross, their girlfirends, and anyone else were all okay. 

But really, they weren't. 

Neither was I. 

I waited outside the room until a girl I didn't know came out followed by a guy about her age. We shared a brief hello before I walked inside and shut the door behind me. This time, George wasn't there to distract me.

All I could look at was him. 

I held my breath and walked over to the chair next to the bed. I sat down and looked at him. I frowned when I saw how messy his hair was.

I shuffled a little bit closer and gently pushed the hair into the right place. The feeling of his skin made my eyes cloud over. 

I traced my fingers down the bruised on his face and frowned. 

I shut my eyes and tried to think of the things he had said to me that I hadn't payed much attention to. 

I thought back to when we were wrapping the presents the night before and early that morning and smiled slightly at how excited he was for Christmas, then I realised that if he woke up, (which he obviously would) it wouldn't be in time for Christmas. 

I remembered that all of the presents I had bought for him were in that fucking stupid van wherever the fuck it was. 

I wondered if we would get the things back, I wondered how many of our things weren't broken.

I pressed my lips against his forehead. 

"I love you..." I whispered, stumbling over my words awkwardly. It was a bit like talking to a grave, I thought back to one of my Aunt's funerals a couple of years back and how difficult I found it, talking to a stone in stead of her face. It was a bit like that, except Matty's face was pretty much the stone. Cold, heavy and expressionless, also lacking life. 

"I love you so much, Matty. It hurts so much, which sounds incredibly selfish because I know it's probably hurting you even more than it is me." I whimpered and placed my hand on his chest softly. 

I looked at my swollen arm in its cast and shut my eyes. 

I would willingly break every bone in my body for Matty. 

Fucking hell, I'd die for him. 

I tried to concentrate on the sound of his breathing instead of the high pitched beeps coming from the life support machine every so often, or whatever the fuck that was. 

I looked at the clock in the room and sighed. It was nine o'clock, people had been leaving slowly, all drifting away to go home, have food, have a couple of hours of painful, restless sleep, if any at all, then probably try their bests to get on with Christmas. I wasn't sure what Denise and Louis were doing, I wasn't sure what I was doing. 

I looked at Matty and sighed. 

I took his hand in mine, it was limp and unresponsive. 

Someone opened the door but I didn't bother to turn around. 

"Lizzy..." George whispered. 

"I'm glad it's you." I yawned and looked at him, still holding Matty's hand. 

"The police are giving us the remains of our stuff back. I think they're taking it to my parents' house." He said. At the mention of police, more common sense began kicking in. 

"Are you going to court?" I asked him. "What happened to the other driver?" I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that before. 

"I have no idea, it depends if he wants to take it to court. The front of the lorry was quite damaged, but he wasn't hurt." He slipped into the chair next to mine and I nodded my head, a little calmer now. 

"I'm going back to my mum's for tonight. She said you could come if you want, if not I totally understand, Denise is willing to have you." He said suddenly. I put Matty's hand back on the bed and shuffled around. I wrapped my arm around George's neck and hugged him. 

"I appreciate the offer, George, but I think I'll spend tonight here." I said into the crook of his neck. He nodded his head. 

"I wanted to, but my mum wouldn't let me." He mumbled into my ear. I nodded. 

"It's fine." I said into his shoulder. 

----

It was quarter past one in the morning. 

George had left about fifteen minutes after he asked me where I wanted to go, but he made his mum drive him back to the hospital about five minutes after they got to his house. He brought back some of my clothes, my laptop, and various things to keep me alive, which was lovely of him, but I doubted I'd change my clothes or anything. 

Denise and Louis had left at twelve o'clock, and I was pretty sure Matty's dad was still ther, but I didn't really want to talk to anyone. 

I brushed my fingers over Matty's forehead gently and sighed. 

"Please just wake up." I said to him for what must have been the fifteenth time that night. "Please,I love you, please Matty, please." I whispered.