Scene 1, Take 2

Chapter Six

Scene 1, Take 2

Chapter Six

Bella's POV

I could feel myself slipping. I'd sworn to myself that I'd ignore them. But every day it got harder. Every time I felt their stare, every time they tried talking to me. I couldn't help but think: I can just look at them. Or say hi.

But it was wrong. Because I'd only hurt myself. It's not worth it I told myself. Every time I thought through what would happen after I'd talk to them, it always ended badly.

I knew, with every piece of my frozen heart, that I wouldn't be able to survive saying goodbye again.

I could only see one outcome of this situation:
I'd allow myself one glance, then one word, then one conversation. And then, the next thing I know, I'm all in again. And once I'd fully convince myself that this might be right, that I belonged with them, they'd leave again.

It had been about a month since I'd decided to avoid them, and it wasn't getting any easier. I longed for the feeling that I knew I'd feel if I'd let myself trust them again. I'd feel loved, trusted, excepted. Like I belonged.

It had been a very long time since I'd had company. The last time I wasn't on my own was when I was with the Volturi.

Aro had understood my situation, but was too curious about my gift to kill me. He studied me for a while, trying to figure out what I could do. He tried all the guards gifts on me. Jane, Alec, Corin, Renata. None of them worked.
He kept mentioning someone named Eleazar. He sent Demetri after him, saying that he needed his help. I had no idea what this Eleazar could do and he never came anyway.
Renata was the one to eventually label me as a shield. And then Aro became obsessed with the idea of projecting.
He made Renata, Corin, Chelsea and even Jane spend hours upon hours every day trying to get me to project.
It was hard at first. I could manage some, but it exhausted me. I hated staying with them, but I was curious about my gift too, and I had nowhere else to go.

Maintaining my diet was hard around them. They kept pushing me to feed on humans. Aro was convinced that it was what was holding me back.

I finally mastered my shield when Jane started using her gift on the humans who came into the turret room. Alec would deprive them of their senses, and Jane would target the most innocent looking one, and torture him.

At that moment, it was almost like I exploded. I knew right then and there that I'd been perceiving my shield wrong all along. At first, I'd pictured it as an elastic band. I stretched it as far as I could, and then it would snap back.

But I was wrong. It was more like a cloud. A blanket. A flexible fabric. I could adjust every part of it. Wrap it around the exact shape of the object I was projecting on to.

The weirdest part was that I could almost taste it. Everything my shield covered. I could feel the essence of that person on my tongue. Not their blood, it wasn't appealing in that sort of way.

My theory was that I tasted their vampire scent. Once someone turns into a vampire, they are clean of the scent of their own blood. It's the essence of their scent that stays. My theory was that that was what I was tasting.

And whatever tried to penetrate my shield had a taste too. Jane's gift was bitter. It tasted rotten and disgusting. Alec's was sweet. Too sweet. In a sick way.

I couldn't taste it if it was inflicted on me. Only when it was on my shield, and then only when it was "out" of me.

Once I got complete control over it, I decided it was time to leave. I didn't belong with the Volturi, and I had no reason to stay.