Scene 1, Take 2

Chapter Two

reminder- this chapter is 15 years after the first one.

Scene 1, Take 2

Chapter II

Bella's POV

The raindrops felt warm against my icy skin.
No one was outside. They had all run in when it started raining. Again. I took my time, slowly walking into the cafeteria. Neither the outside nor the inside held any interest to me. Except that outside it was quieter.

The cafeteria itself was very warm. I hadn't hunted in a few days, but I was still okay. Nothing uncontrollable. I got in line for the food.
I remembered when they did this. How he would insist on paying for my food. I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from folding over in pain. So many years had past, yet the thought of him never failed to send me back to my last months as a human. I remembered him telling me once that human memories fade. And some of mine did, yet the ones I did want to forget were almost carved into my brain.

I remembered every word he said, every promise they broke, every miserable piece of his goodbye.
I remembered the months I spent as a living corpse. I remembered the pain, even worse than the burning of the venom.
I remembered every kiss, every touch. I remembered everything about him.

I ended up with an apple and a bag of pretzels on my tray. I took it to my usual table, and sat in my usual chair. It was my second year at this school, and no one ever came near this table anymore.
It was the first day of junior year. Even the new freshman's didn't come towards my table. Somebody must have warned them.

I wondered if I looked to the humans here the same way they all looked to me back then. The thought of them sent a crippling ache to my dead heart, and I cursed myself for thinking of them so often.
I try not to. I truly do. But it's hard.

I haven't done much in the last fifteen years. I went through the same charade they did, over and over again. I'd join a school as a sophomore, stay until I graduated as a senior, then move to a new place and start all over again.

I went through college once, too. It was much the same as anything else. Easy. Boring. Empty.

I wondered where they were, and what they were doing. I wondered if he'd found someone else. I wondered if they were all okay. I hated to admit it to myself, but I missed them.

When I first woke up to this life, my first thought was to go looking for them. But then I remembered that they didn't want me. That they'd left me.
So instead of going towards them, I made sure to stay away.

I always checked to see if the local hospital was expecting a new surgeon, or if there were rumors of new students.

One time I'd actually thought I'd found them, and I couldn't make myself leave. I knew I should, but I kept telling myself- just one look. But I knew myself. I knew that that one look would turn into one conversation, then one hug, then one kiss, then another goodbye, and another heartbreak.

The pain of that last goodbye was what drove me away. It was like this shadow that was always cast over me. The pain. The sadness. The anger.
Anger at them, anger at myself. Anger at the scumbag who did this to me.

After that I'd never checked again. I told myself that I'd spare the heartache and move on with my life. I'm still working on that last part.

I started toying with the zipper of my jacket, just because there was nothing better to do. I still read, but it wasn't as exciting anymore. My very favorites only reminded me of him, which meant they could no longer be my favorites.
Music didn't do much, either. Somehow, every song lead me back to them. Every word turned in my head until I found a connection between that word- and them.
I didn't want to do it. But I couldn't stop myself.
Ever been conscious of doing something you don't want to be doing?
It's an awful feeling. It feels like you have zero control over your own mind and body, which are the only things your supposed to have complete control over.