Scene 1, Take 2

Chapter Twelve

Scene 1, Take 2

Chapter Twelve

Bella POV
Song: "Heal" by Tom Odell

The walls I had put up came crashing down, and it was just too much to take.

I tried to suppress the memories, to put them back where they belonged, but they just came flooding back.

Every thought that had ever crossed my mind regarding him and his family assaulted me mercilessly, and there was no escape.

I couldn't put my thoughts into words, I was just... overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed... and terrified.
Because the pain will hold on gently as you move throughout your life. You'll try to shake it softly, but quickly learn it wants to stay. It lingers in the corner, it follows you around. Just when you think you've lost it, you learn that no solace can be found. It creeps up slowly, and at first you don't mind. But then it hits you with enough force to make you feel so blind. My pain and I, we were good friends. I trusted it, I knew it could never leave me, unlike him. I saw that pain's afraid of love, you see, because love, it always mends.

I had become my pain. Everything else that was me, vanished with him. But he was here now, and it was time for the pain to leave. Who was I without it?

What made me me, if not my pain? If not my past?

I felt like I was empty. Up until now, I was a vessel that held anguish, and distress. What did I hold now?

"Bella!" Edward shouted as he shook my shoulders forcefully. "Bella!"

I tried to speak, but the words never formed on my tongue. I wanted to tell him how I felt, so without much thought, I dropped my shield.

My thoughts were so messed up at the moment, I doubted he could make anything of it. I barely could.

At first he hunched over in pain, then composed his features and stared at me right in the eyes with such love, I just leaned into his chest, and let myself feel at home.

He rubbed my back soothingly, whispering all the while "it's okay, it's going to be okay." Was it? I just couldn't see a point anymore. I was nothing, and it was all my fault.

It was his choice to leave me, but I had made myself like this. I emptied myself of all interests or hobbies. I cut off every friendship. I shut everything and everyone out.

I was lost, and no one could guide me back. Because if there's one thing I did know, is that I was the only one who could find myself.

I peered up at his flawless face, and thought yes, I was the only one who could do this, but who said I couldn't get some help?

Maybe he could remind me what I am, and who I am. Maybe he can help me find myself.

"I can, and I will" he whispered. I then realized that he could still read my mind and quickly snapped my shield back. He frowned at first, but then saw my playful grin and smiled.

I had fully calmed down at this point, but stayed cradled in his arms. After a few minutes of blissful silence, Edward spoke up.

"I've told you how I feel, Bella. Now I want to know how you feel." He said. I was surprised that he hadn't figured it out yet. I was so certain that despite my efforts, I was still as readable as an open book to him.

(Song: "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles")

I crawled out of his grasp and positioned myself in front of him. We were now both sitting cross-legged in front of each other.