Middle Earth Mayhem

The Archery Contest

(Bard and Legolas are arguing)

Legolas: I could have killed Smaug any day!

Bard: Too bad! I killed him!!!

Smaug: Still alive!!!!

Bard: Ugh!! Go away!!!!

Smaug: (Raises his chin) I am offended!

Legolas: I am SOOO totally a better archer! Plus, I can skateboard!

Bard: So what!?

Legolas: I can multitask!!

Bard: (Mutters) Women can multitask!

Legolas: YOU CALLING ME A WOMAN, HUH?!

Bard: Maybe...

Legolas: YOU WANT SOME??!!! YOU WANT SOME???!!! WELL, I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO YA!!!!

Bard: It's so funny when you get angry!!!

Legolas: I'm gonna shoot you!!!

Bard: Yeah? How!

Legolas: What do you mean 'how'? With an arrow, you idiot!!!

Bard: I know but how are you going to shoot me with an arrow!!

Legolas: With my bow!!!

Bard: (Fake shocked) You can do that?!

Legolas: Yeah, duh!

Bard: Oh! I never new that!

Legolas: YOU DISSIN ME?!

Bard: YOU DISSIN ME?!

Smaug: Girls, girls! Calm down!!!

Bard: NOOOO!!!

Smaug: Woah! I know! Whoever can shoot me with this black arrow (Holds up black arrow) is the best archer!!!!

Legolas: You're on, old man!!

Bard: What?! You're like, two-thousand years old!!!

Legolas: THATS YOUNG FOR AN ELF!!!!

Bard: I thought you would have been king by now...

Legolas: Shut up.

Smaug: YOOOO HOOOOO! Over here!!!

Bard: Give me that! (Snatches arrow from Legolas and fires it. It lands on the peak of Erebor)

Legolas: Ha! Missed! My turn!

Bard: Go and get it then!

Legolas: Get what?!

Bard: THE ARROW!!!!!

Legolas: Ok...

(A few minutes later)

Legolas: (Panting) Got it! Okay! (Aims at Smaug then turns the other way and fires it into Mordor) Ha! Go and get it!!

Bard: Ugh! You did that on purpose!!

Legolas: You think?!

(A year later)

Bard: Got it!

Legolas: (Spills his tea) What?! I thought you were dead!!

Bard: Nope! Okay! (Aims at Smaug and shoots and it kills Smaug)

Smaug: Noooooo!! I sacrificed myself to break up an argument!!! (Dies)

Bard: Yeah! I win!!!!

Legolas: GIVE ME THAT!!! (Snatches Bard's bow and snaps it in half) DIE!!!

Bard: Woah! At least that wasn't my bow...

Legolas: Who's was it then?

Bard: (Whispers) Yours...

Legolas: What?!

Bard: Yours...

Legolas: ...

Bard: ...

Legolas: ...

Bard: (Smirks) ...

Legolas: ...

Bard: ...

Legolas: I left my hair straighteners on... (Goes home to attend to personal matters aka turning off his straighteners)

Bard: Okay! I'm awesome!

Smaug: Yes, yes you are.

Bard: (Facepalms) You never die, do you?

Smaug: Nope.

Bard: You want a cup of tea?

Smaug: That would be nice! Makes a change from wine!

Bard: Cool.