Lorenzo the Magnificent

Broken heart

Everyone was celebrating the Medici for winning the joust. Everyone was screaming and clapping. I was just standing in the middle of the huge crowd motionless. People bumping into me from every direction. I couldn't say a word. I couldn't make a step. I was just staring at Lorenzo and the boys. And the woman behind them staring at Lorenzo. I couldn't see her clearly but the way she didn't take her eyes off of him felt weird at least. I searched the tribunes for Bianca but she was nowhere to be found. Did they go home already?? 

I decided to slowly start walking toward the Medici house. I kept replaying the scenes from the joust in my head. I couldn't believe Francesco would just give up on me that easily. Just because he lost the match...he wouldn't give up on me...he wouldn't. I stopped. Or would he?? Everyone would, right?? Because everyone would be just too happy to get rid of me. As always. 

I didn't even realize I was already standing in front of the main door. I started thinking whether I should open the door or turn around and run away but I heard sobbing in the next moment and decided to go in and see what was happening. When I opened the door a few guards approached me and when they recognized me they let me go. It was a loud sobbing. It sounded like...Bianca?! ,,Bianca!!'' I yelled as I was worried about her. ,,Bianca where are you??'' I ran through the halls looking for her when I finally saw Lucrezia standing there, leaning against the wall. ,,Oh sweethearth...'' she sighed and grabbed me. She embraced me with her whole body and her whole weight. It felt like she couldn't stand properly. ,,What happened??'' I wanted to know. ,,...Piero...'' she cried and she didn't need to say more. I knew. Piero passed away. I remained silent, hugging her and waiting for Bianca to show up. 

When she finally did Lucrezia pulled from me, wiped all the tears away from her face and tried to smile at me. She then caressed Bianca's face and walked away into her room. Bianca's eyes were swollen. Her whole face red and she probably didn't see much for all the tears in her eyes. I made a step closer to her. She looked like she was about to collapse to the ground so I grabbed her and huged just like I did with Lucrezia. In that moment she again rested her weight onto me and started crying with her whole heart. I was caressing her long, beautiful, dark brown hair trying to soothe her but I knew there was nothing to soothe a broken heart with. The only way to comfort a broken heart is to say nothing. I remembered my mother used to say. 

It felt like we were standing there in the middle of the hall for hours when Bianca pulled away from me. ,,How can I become as strong and brave as you are??'' she asked with her eyes still full of tears. I just smiled slightly. Oh Bianca. If only you knew. How many nights I had spent crying. How many times I just wanted to give up on everything. How many times I had thought about taking my life. How many times I didn't care at all about what was going to happen. A strong and brave person doesn't do such things. A strong and brave person never thinks about these things. I am not a strong and brave person. ,,It will come. With more you loose...the more you gain,'' I whispered and kissed her forehead. She smiled sadly and walked away. 

I slowly opened the door of Piero's room and after a moment gained the courage to step in. I looked around. No one was in there. Just Peiro's body peacefully lying on his bed. On the walls I could see many paintings that I was sure were painted by Sandro. I slowly walked to the Piero's bed. ,,I didn't know you well Piero'de Medici. But I know you were not a bad person. Requiescat in pace,'' I whispered and inclined closer, kissed his forehead and quickly walked away. The house was silent. It felt empty. I rested my back against the wall and slided down to the ground. I pulled my knees to my chest and embraced them tightly. I felt safe. Safe from this world in which was happening just too many things for one person. 

Maybe...Francesco has a plan. Maybe this is a part of the plan. He lets me stay here for some time, acting like he gave up on me while making a plan to get me to live with him for good. A plan that will finally work. Or maybe he has no plan at all. Maybe he really gave up on me and he is just going to act like nothing had happened. Or even worse. He is going to treat me like an enemy. He is going to treat me like one of the Medici. He is going to hate me. And maybe that's what I am supposed to do. To become one of the Medici. I couldn't keep thinking about it. I stood up and started walking there and back. I could be walking for a few hours. Trying not to think about any of it. I didn't understand how I managed to keep walking there and back for such a long time. But it must had really been quite a time because it was dark outside already. I didn't even notice any sound for the entire time.