Don't Go... (Hunhan)

Chapter 24: I Don't Know

I Don't Know

     "Sehunnie! We found some- Uhh... Se, who's this... blonde-haired guy?"

     The one asked heaved a sigh. He didn't know what to do. He felt like he needed to talk to Luhan but at the same time, he felt that he wasn't able to do it yet. It's like a situation where a part of him was telling him he should but another part of him was telling him he couldn't. Time was passing by and he could not take the awkwardness anymore. Not thinking of what he's doing, Sehun slipped his hand out of Tao's and looked at Luhan.

     "Just end this mess, Oh Sehun," white puppy thought. He would like to say that everything's already fine with them. But when he looked straight at Luhan and spotted Xiumin over his shoulders for about fifteen meters, the will dissipated and was replaced by something else. He just felt different and he's unsure of what happened.

     "Thanks for this, hyung. But if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to excuse myself and my new friend for a while. We could just talk next time. Maybe," the lisp spoke and walked out with Tao, their hands tightly holding.

     The deer was flabbergasted of what just happened. He couldn't believe his younger brother could do that. Broke out of being stranded, a drop of clear liquid fell from his doe eyes. Good thing, Kyungsoo was there to give him company. Soon, Minseok came close and asked what happened. The deer, however, didn't answer and just tried to be fine as he tried to pull himself together.

---

     "Se? What happened? Are you okay? You're crying." The Chinese asked as he heard faint successive sobs from the boy beside him.

     "You know you can h-" but before he could finish, "h-hug me for comfort..." Sehun already did.

     "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know... I don't know what's happening to me and to my world." And Tao was just rubbing circles at his back.

     "I was willing to clear the mess but then when I saw Xiumin, the will was replaced. By what? I don't know. It felt heavier, cloudier and more stinging. It seethed inside me and wanted to be unleashed. But then all I was able to do was to walk out with you. I want to tell him we're okay. I want to let him know I badly want to be with him, to be his younger brother again. But then... I just can't. I... I don't know. I don't know why..."

     "Maybe because you're feeling more jealous and you can't take the pain it brings even just the sight of the other party. You know, Se, I suggest we better go back there and finish your mess." Sehun's eyes widened when Tao tried to pull him back to the place.

     "No! Please... I don't want to. I can't do it yet. I don't know but I really can't..."

     "Enough with that 'I don't know'. Our lives in this world are surrounded and bombarded with things we don't know. And for sure, there's a lot of those that you, and even we, had conquered and thrived with. Imagine the early people of this world where technology isn't that high. There are millions of things they don't even have a clue of but still they survived. They took the risks of knowing, no matter how difficult. And with those risks, we are living in a world like this. Do you get what I want you to realize? You won't know unless you try. You won't discover unless you conquer."

     "..."

     "You're silence is deafening. Let's go already. This is for your own good."

     "Wait. I realized what you said was true. But in a moment like this, I wanted not to do it yet. I don't want to end it while I'm still shaky of my decisions and not fully ready. It might turn out wrong and bring no good."