Starting Over

Prologue 2

•••MONTHS LATER•••

9 hours away.
Hundred and hundreds of miles away.
The only way I could see him or hear his voice was through my screen.
Is this normal? Is this healthy?
Is it ok for me to feel like every second of everyday my heart is breaking more and more?
I can not count how many nights I have fallen asleep in tears, because he's not here.
I constantly find my self contemplating if it is worth it. Is it worth it to love him but never see him or be with him? Is it worth all the pain?
I simply can not do it. I can not continue on with loving him over the phone or over the computer. I can not bare another day knowing that he is all those miles away and I can't see him or hold him. I wish I could but I know I can't.
I have reached the end of crying and trying and dying. Dying a little more with every on going second without him here to hold me.
I picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hey babe." Hayes answered my phone call.
"Hi." I choked out.
My voice was quivering and tears were quickly whelming in my eyes.
"Is everything ok?" Hayes asked. He knew me all too well to know something was wrong after only saying one word.
"No, not really." I said, letting the tears finally fall free.
"What is it? Talk to me."
"Hayes," I started "I love you."
"I love you too." His voice was shy and confused.
"We can't do this." I cried.
"W-what are you saying?"
"I'm so sorry." I mumbled through my tears, "I can't. It's too hard."
"What do you mean you can't?" I listened to his sweet voice turn to sorrow and gloom.
"I'm sorry Hayes, but I think we need to break-"
"Please don't say it." He cut me off.
I was breathing heavy, I didn't want to say it anymore than he wanted to hear it.
"Please don't." Hayes begged, "Don't say it's over. Don't say we need to break up. Please don't."
"Hayes-"
"Don't!" He cried into the phone "Please. Please don't forget everything we have."
"Hayes..." I talked slow so he could understand me between my tears, "I'm so sorry. It's just not... working."
I heard him cry, the sound of his tears made me feel empty and broken inside.
"But I promise you," I continued, "I will never forget."
He cleared his throat and didn't speak for a minute but said, "Sam... I love you."
"I love you too." I whispered.
"Don't forget." He whispered back.
"Never."
I heard him cry again into the call.
I whispered to him "I'm sorry."
And hung up the call.
And that was the end. Hayes was no longer mine. And I was no longer his.
What now?
Hayes is all I have known for the past three years. In the matter of minutes it all ends. Like a flash. Done. Over.
Lost.