Starting Over

20

The kiss was not rough or heated, but smooth and kind. It was a kiss that told me that the thought of us was more than careless and pointless.
His lips parted from mine, ending our soft kiss. He held my hands in his and pressed his forehead on mine. 

"Give me a chance." He whispered.

"I want to." I said back, in a voice just as hushed as his.

Hayes asked, "So why don't you?"

I froze for a minute, looked down at my hands, and said "What about Matt?"

I looked back up at Hayes when he didn't say anything. His mouth was open but nothing came out.

"What about Matt, Hayes?" I said again, now worried to extremes.

"I don't know." I could hear in his voice too that he had the same worries that I had at this moment.

"I don't want to hurt him." I huffed, trying to stay calm but I couldn't, "I can't hurt him, Hayes, I just can't!"

"I know." Hayes said, pulling my panting body into his and holding my head on his shoulder, "I know baby girl."

The name baby girl sent a chill down my back, in a good way, but I couldn't take a moment to think about it. Only Matt was on my mind. I had to tell him, he deserves the truth.

***THE NEXT DAY***

Hayes was working his shift at Starbucks, I was waiting at the coffee table to meet Matt. My heart was pounding, my breathing was deep and heavy, my body felt like it was shaking, and I could feel the bead of sweat dripping down my forehead. The bell of the door rang, I looked up to see Matt walk in with a bright smile. I looked at Hayes, he gave me a small nod. I took in a short breath and stood to greet Matt. He went to give me a kiss, I turned away to avoid his lips. I felt so wrong.

"Everything ok?" Matt asked with a confused look.

"No, not really." I mumbles but I knew he heard me, "Maybe we should sit down."

***MATTS POV***

My heart began to race, Sam had me worried. She looked at her scuffy old converse and not at me. I was waiting for her to speak up. With every minute my heart rate only went up. I could hear my own blood pumping in my ears. Something was wrong and I knew it.

"I can't be with you, Matt. I'm sorry." Sam said in a hushed voice. She wasn't even looking at me, but at the ground.

I felt my heart slowly crackling and breaking to bits, "W-why not?"

Sam opened her mouth but spoke nothing, she looked up, but not at me. I slightly turned my head to see what she was looking at, or who she was looking at actually. Something inside told me it would be Hayes, but I didn't want to think it would be true. I looked away from him and back at Sam with glassy eyes. I was trying to keep myself from falling apart.

I could see the wrong in her eyes and hear the pain in her voice, "We kissed, and-"

"You kissed?!" suddenly I went from hurt to a mixture of pain and anger rolled into one.

"Matt, I didn't-"

"Save it!" I stood up to shout with rage "How could you go behind my back like that? I thought we were better than that!"

"I know," she cried "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Well you did anyways!"

The tears began to roll down her cheeks, "I'm so sorry and I hate myself for hurting you. I just thought you deserved the truth."

"I should have seen it coming." I said under my breath, more to myself than to Sam.

"I'm sorry." Sam whispered, "Matt, please."

Her words meant nothing to me. She meant less to me than a piece of dirt. To think that after everything, after our childhood together she turned out to not care at all about me in the end. I would have run miles for her, but I guess she wouldn't have even crossed the street for me. She would only go after the one who is worse for her.

How could she? I thought we were so perfect together. I guess it's true that nothing good ever does last.

***SAMS POV***

Matt looked down at me with an anger in his glare, "I really should have expected it from you." He spat at me "You always were a little slut."

At that sentence I felt my heart shrivel up inside. I took in a deep breath, trying to keep the wave of tears from pouring down but I could not hold back every ounce of pain. Matt, my best friend from day one, calling me such an ugly word. The way he looked at me. I saw the way he cared about me and I watched it change in seconds. Nothing hurt more right now than knowing that I hurt my best friend and that it is so easy for him to change his opinion on me, to think so low of me now. Nothing could change the fact that I was so scared that at this very moment I could lose him forever. He could walk away right now and all I would have is the echo of his voice in my head, calling me a slut, and the image of his tear-filled eyes plastered in my memory forever.

I watched him as he walked away, leaving me in tears. Hayes walked in front of him and placed his hand to Matt's chest.

"Matt, listen-" He started.

Matt swatted Hayes' hand away from him, he just looked at him in disgust, "Brothers my ass." he said and kept walking.

Hayes came to sit next to me in tears.

As Matt reached the door he turned back to look at us, "I hope you two are happy together."

"Matt, please just talk to us for 5 minutes!" Hayes said.

"You? You're not worth my time!" Matt hollered, "You guys deserve each other."

"Matt." I cried.

"You do not talk to me right now!" he yelled, "Better yet, don't ever speak to me again!"

With his last word he walked out and I fell into Hayes' arms with flowing tears.

"Take me home." I whimpered.

Hayes stood up, keeping his arms around me as we walked to his car.

I fell into silence, staring out the window. Not a word was said. Hayes pulled in front of my dorms, I got out without a word.

I walked into the empty room and laid perfectly flat on the bed looking at the blank tiles of the ceiling.

Endless minutes of nothing passed before Taylor finally came in. I sat up, holding back my fighting tears. I knew that Taylor knew something was wrong right away.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

I only looked at her before falling apart in tears and running in her arms. Taylor combed her fingers through my hair and hugged me with the other arm.

"What's wrong?" Taylor said, "Tell me."

I cried on her shoulder, "Everything."