Anathema

May 16, 2019

I was not able to sleep last night. Not even a wink.

I was sleepy as fuck, but my fear of getting another nightmare prevailed. I swear, if I see demonic Mr. Harold again, I'm going to kill myself.

Dodge arrived sometime after lunch, and only then was I able to get some sleep. Nagpalusot na lang ako na hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko, at naintindihan naman niya. He was busy playing video games, anyway.

I woke up around 6 PM, feeling relieved that I didn't get any nightmares. Tinulungan ako ni Dodge na magluto ng spaghetti for dinner. I was suprised to find out that he knows his way around the kitchen.

By 8 PM, pinatulog ko na si Marty, at nagsimula na kaming uminom ni Dodge ng alak. Gusto ko sana na mag-invite siya ng mga kaibigan niya to join us. I don't like parties or any sort of social gatherings, but at that moment, I want to be surrounded by people. Maybe it'll make me feel less scared.

Walang na-invite si Dodge in the end. Sabagay, sino ba naman ang gustong pumunta sa bahay ng isang loser?

It's almost midnight now, and Dodge is already passed out on my bed. I want to sleep, too, but I can't risk it.

I'm losing my fucking mind. Maybe it's time for me to accept that fact. I can't go on like this. I need professional help. Tomorrow, as soon as Mama gets home, I'm going to tell her everything. Hindi ko na talaga kaya. I don't want to end up like Mr. Harold.

Aside from the nightmares, I'm also experiencing extreme paranoia. You know the feeling that someone's watching you? Iyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Even here, in the safety of my own room, I can't shake off the feeling that someone is looking at me. Hindi ko maiwasan na tumingin palagi sa likuran ko.

I just want this to stop. Ayoko nang maramdaman yung nararam

Fuck. I just heard something downstairs.

I'm going to go and check it out.

*****

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Nababaliw na talaga ako. I'm losing my fucking mind.

I fucking hate this. I fucking hate my life.

Please please please please

Make it stop.