Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

I know this is short....really short! But I have to go back to class for a few hours tonight and I don't have much time! I wanted to give you guys something, though, since I didn't update yesterday!

I WILL put up another chapter later tonight when I get back from school!! This is just a little taste to keep you all occupied in the mean time!

Enjoy and thanks for all the sweet comments! You all make my day! :D

Tyler's P.O.V:

I shuffled onto the subway with the masses of other mid-morning commuters, squeezing my way onto a bench between a woman wearing a pantsuit and a man who smelled like hot dogs. My eyes fell closed as the train lurched to life, my mind wandering to last night. I had that dream again, the one I had been having for months, the one that left me gasping for air as I awoke from it. It was the same every night; I was always chasing him. I would see him somewhere, recognize his towering form in a group of people, his big smile and distinct tattoos seperating him from the rest. I would try to gain his attention, try to get him to notice me, but it never worked. He either didn't hear me or he pretended not to. I would chase after him for miles, shouting his name as tears rolled down my flushed cheeks, but I was never able to catch up to him.

I never would be able to catch up to him; I was beginning to figure that out. My subconscious was chasing after him, but I was the one who let him get away in the first place.

It was days like these, after the nightmares had kept me up all night, that I wondered about him; what he was doing, what he was feeling, if he was happy. I hoped he was happy.

During the first month he had tried to get a hold of me a few times. He would call me in the middle of the night when he knew I would be awake. He would send me texts, checking in on me.

I never responded, I never answered the phone. It wasn't because I was still angry with him over how he had treated me. Truthfully, I had never been angry, not really. Hurt was more the right word to use. I was hurt that he didn't support me, that he wasn't happy for me like I always was for him.

Truth was I could never gain the courage to answer the phone. I knew that if I did he would pull me back in because frankly...I wanted him to. But I was afraid. If he didn't support me then, why would he support me now?

It was hard, worse than I expected it to be. He had finally got the hint and he stopped calling. 5 months had gone by since I had seen his name light up my cell phone. There have been so many times that I have been sad, lonely, upset, and all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call him, tell him I miss him and I love him. But I never did, I never allowed myself to.

It was all so confusing. My emotions were pulling me in different directions. On one hand I knew I had done the right thing; I was in New York, going to the school of my dreams, and having the time of my life. On the other hand....I loved him. I would always love him. I needed him...I wanted him.

The train screeched to a stop, and I rose from my seat shooting a judgmental glare at hot dog man. I walked up the stairs and back into the daylight, the streets much more crowded and full of life than the night before. Cars honked, people shouted after cabs, thousands of people hurried along the sidewalks, not giving a second glance to any of it. I joined the people on the sidewalk and began walking towards the coffeeshop that was only a few blocks down the street. After only a few minutes the coffeehouse came into view, and I ducked inside out of the chilly morning air.

It wasn't very busy, though I hadn't expected it to be. A few college kids were sitting around a table in the back, sipping generously on their large coffees as they typed feverishly on their laptops, hardly acknowledging each others presence. "Morning dear- woah, you don't look so good," Sue, the owner of 'Sue's Coffee' and my boss, said as she came out from the back.

I rolled my eyes at her as I pulled off my scarf. "Thanks a lot," I responded with a small laugh. "Yeah, it was one of those nights." She furrowed her brow at me.

"You say that a lot, you know."

"Yeah, well, that's because almost every night is one of those nights, Sue." I gave her a weak smile and made my way into the back. I pulled my coat off and shoved my stuff into my cubby. I pulled my apron on and got started on cutting up the pastries and getting them iced or frosted if need be.

"Hey, Sue, is Tyler here yet?" I heard a muffled voice question from the front. The back door swung open and Sue peeked her head in.

"Someone's looking for you, dear." She winked at me and I pulled my gloves off, walking back into the main part of the cafe.

I was met with the source of the voice: Daniel Ryland. Danny and I had met a few months back. He was a graduate student at NYU studying business. He was tall, blonde, and handsome, an all around gentlemen, and a really nice guy. We had been nothing more than friends up until last week when he asked me out on a date randomly.

I wanted to say no. I hadn't been on a date since I had been here. I hadn't hardly even looked at another guy; I couldn't make myself. But I responded with a hesitant yes. I'm pretty sure I don't like Danny that way, I don't think I'm ready to like anyone yet, but I have to try. Austin is gone. I'm the one who broke up with him. I need to try to move on, even if I don't want to.

And I don't want to.

"Hey, Danny what's up?" I asked with a smile. He smiled back at me, his pearly white's glistening as the sun shined through the windows.

"Sorry to bother you. I just wanted to make sure we're still on for tonight," he replied.

"Yeah, yeah we are. I get off at 7, so you wanna swing by and get me at, let's say 8?" He smiled even wider, noding his head in agreement.

"Sounds great, I'll be there. Okay, well I'll leave you to work. I'll see you later, Tyler." With that he turned and walked out, and I let out an involuntary sigh. I turned around, Sue eyeing me curiously, and I shook her off before walking back towards what I had been doing.

I spent a few hours in the back before I emerged again, bringing the fresh pastries with me. I loaded them into the glass case, displaying them for customers to admire. I began to gather the empty coffee pots to take to the back to be washed while Sue flirted with a middle aged man in the corner of the cafe.

The bell jingled as the front door opened. A chilly breeze flowed through the small space, bringing a familiar scent with it.

The scent was all too familiar, one that was burned into my memory. I was unable to forget it.

I was practically frozen is place with my back still turned to the front as I listened to footsteps pad across the tiled floor.

I forced myself to move, turning around slowly as that sweet smelled filled my nose.

My jaw dropped, my knees went weak; I dropped the empty coffee pot, the glass shattering as it crashed to the ground.

His head snapped up at the sudden loud noise, his gaze moving from his phone to mine.

I stared in disbelief into a pair of big brown eyes.

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Next chapter will be up later tonight! :D