Pawned Virtue - #wattys2015 BK4 TPBS - Completed 1st draft

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Not edited. Hi everyone!!!!

His head was in his hands as he wearily thought of the woman whom Maggie said had gone to sleep in his bed. She didn't deserve the way he'd treated her and had cried herself to sleep.

In his efforts to stay obtuse he'd actually raped her and there was no other fucking way to describe what he'd done. He felt like a filthy fucking pervert. One of those arseholes shown on the news bulletins. The ones that he'd said he'd happily put a bullet through their heads. In another place and time he'd happily hold the gun to his head... but that was then.

He'd fucking scarred her for life. All he'd wanted was a fucking family, kids of his own, someone to hand the business down to as it had been to him. A son, a daughter... both if it were possible. A little Daddy's girl whose boyfriends would run when they met him. The thought made him grin slightly.

Now... now his emotions were involved. Fuck that Matthew! He'd sworn she was used goods. That's why the fucker was dead. He'd forced the label of monster onto him and a monster he was.

He'd fucked... no... he'd raped a god damned fucking virgin. If he'd known things would have been different for her. Physically at least.

His own heart would never be involved. His heart was dead. Gone. Buried... with her. She owned his heart and took it with her when she died.

They were so much in love that his men joked that she'd melted the iceberg heart. Their taunts were met by playful threats to slam together heads and always ended on a laugh. Not now.

The iceberg froze up again when he watched the coffin being lowered into the dirt framed cavern. He hadn't wanted to believe it. Not her. Not the woman he thought he'd grow old with. She was gone. Truly gone.

Now here he was with an iceberg heart that threatened to melt again and he couldn't allow it. He wouldn't. He'd look after his wife's physical body but she had Maggie to help her through anything else. He couldn't get involved. She was his to fuck.

Yes, he thought, he would still fuck her when she was over the physical pain of what he'd done until he had her pregnant... for now though, he wouldn't touch her. Then... then he'd close his eyes to her face and think of his true love as he came inside her... his Maria... would she forgive him for his betrayal?