Pawned Virtue - #wattys2015 BK4 TPBS - Completed 1st draft

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Tara felt the warmth from Lucas and felt... home. As much as she didn't want to admit the way she was feeling there was no way in hell she could deny the flutterings she felt each time that she thought of him.

"I'm scared." Her voice painfully soft... timid.

"I know baby. I know." Lucas sounded defeated as he brought her as close into his chest as he could.

"Why?"

"Why what baby?"

"Why don't you want me to leave?"

Lucas turned her to face him and his eyes met hers where he saw her pain and the uncertainty she felt. He held her arms gently and brought her back into him and with his right hand he softly rubbed the nape of her neck while his left hand held her waist. He almost expected her to struggle bit felt like he'd been given the moon when she dropped her cheek into his chest.

"You're so amazing baby. You're more than I'll ever deserve. You're everything that a kind hearted person is and more. You're beautiful. Funny. Witty. Loyal. Baby, you're the whole package... and..." he broke off; unsure if he could tell her, his fear of rejection was clouding his decision.

He knew he had to man up. He wanted her in his life forever and to do that he'd have to lay it all on the line... but...

"And?" she asked quietly.

He pushed her forward from his chest and drank in the beauty of the woman he held.

"I care about you baby. It took your friend Keiran to open my eyes. Damn kid... is he really seventeen?"

She giggled slightly and nodded.

"Yeh he is. He's pretty cool."

"Cool? Cool?" he spoke in mock shock " it's just as well the kid isn't in the same line of work as me. I'd be out of business!"

Tara looked at him and wondered... should she ask?

"What exactly do you do?"

He cringed and then sighed. If he wanted her in his life then he'd have to be honest.

"I don't lead a... shall we say... legal life. I'm a powerful man baby."

"A loan shark?" she asked curiously.

"That... and more. I do some pretty bad things..."

"Drugs?"

"Hell no! Won't touch that shit. Too many scrambled heads in the world already. I'm not the nicest person when I'm pissed off and as you know I have killed people. It's what I do. It's a family thing. My dad ran it before I took over and to be honest there were things he did that I phased out."

"So you're a sorta mafia guy?"

Lucas laughed.

"I guess you could say that. Just maybe a little different to what you see in movies or read about in books."

"Why do you do it? I mean, look at the deal you made with my dad. It's so... wrong."

"It's a part of me baby and even my dad will tell you it's not something you can just walk away from. So instead I changed things around."

"It's a lot to take in."

He nodded "I know baby. It's not the life for everyone but... well... Tara please don't go through with the divorce. Please baby" he pleaded with the look of childhood innocence as he gripped her hands in his as if his life depended on it.

"I don't know Lucas. I..."

"Baby... one chance... please! Just give me one chance to be who you need me to be. I'll do anything."

Tara took in a deep breath and looked down to her hands as they were covered with his.

"Lucas" she started nervously "I accepted the position at the university in Brisbane."

"You're leaving?!"

"It feels like the right thing to do for me Lucas."

"Why baby?" his voice dripped with grief.

"I needed to do something for me. I needed space to clear my head and I was awarded a scholarship and..." she started to shake her head. "I need to do this Lucas. Please understand..."

Lucas felt the tears building before she saw them. The hard lump in his throat making it difficult to breathe.

"We can work it out baby. It won't be easy but we can do it... if you want" he didn't dare look at her face in case he saw hatred for him as she denied his request.

"Please. One chance. Don't go through with the divorce" he looked at her then "I'll beg baby. I'll get on my knees and beg. I'll... I'll walk across hot coals... I'll... do anything you want."

"How would it work? You here and me there?"

She didn't say no!

"I'll come and visit. You'll have breaks. Baby we can do it. We can... date."

The idea seemed almost foreign as it it came from his mouth but it made sense to some degree... could they make it work? Could they... she... leave the past behind?

She licked her lips nervously.

"Date?"

"Date" he replied with a firm nod and a glimmer of hope.

"I think" she looked at him and found herself spellbound by him "I think I'd like that."

"Really?" Lucas' voice was one of complete disbelief.

"Really." It was her turn to nod a firm nod.

"And... and the divorce?" he asked quietly.

"On hold" she whispered. While she wanted to believe him she needed to protect herself too.

"On hold" Lucas pulled her close again "I can live with that for the moment baby but right now I just want to hold you some more ok?"

She nodded and settled back into his arms as she'd been before. She had no idea what tomorrow or next week would bring but she was really starting to hope that whatever it was that the future held that included him.

*****