OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

TWENTY EIGHT

I am perfectly certain that my bestfriend wasn't lying and the conviction in her tone made me believe her so. Pero habang binibigkas niya ang bawat diin ng katotohanan, nanatili ang tingin ko kay Angelov.

"Tumigil na ako, maniwala ka sa 'kin, please. Sam, Sam, please..."

He kept his pleading voice down to a minimum but it was strained until it cracked. Nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko, halos sabayan na siya sa sahig. Ang marinig iyon ay pagguhit ng sugat sa puso ko. Bawat bigkas, dumidiin, at habang tumatagal ay lumalalim ang pagkakabaon.

Galing sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa mga kamay ko, dinala niya ang mga ito sa kanyang mukha para ikulong ko, as though he was leading me to feel the uttermost sincerity in his plead through this touch because no amount of any other convincing will ever be enough.

I still haven't figured out what to do. Hindi ko nga alam kung ano itong nararamdaman ko, at wala sa mga iyon ang inaasahan na galit.

Was I too numb to feel the shock and anger or is this my own affection concluding for me that no matter how bad the extent of his poor decisions are, I would still try to understand and embrace him. Na para bang dati nang nakalaan ang pagpapatawad, matagal nang handa. Ang kulang na lang ay ang paggawa niya ng kasalanan at ang aking kapatawaran ay maging sadya nitong tahanan.

"Sam..." breathless and with a decaying strength, he called.

Still out of words, all I could do is watch his trembling gaze hopped from one eye of mine to the other while he also keeps my hand framed on his cheeks. Despite myself, I tried to seek a hint of betrayal for keeping this from me and a prelude of repulsion for the atrocity of his deeds. I found nothing, and this is where I never get to understand it. I should be angry because his crimes deserve it. I should have loathed him the sooner I heard the truth because in a way, he rendered liberty for these fixated people to violate.

Pero natagpuan ko ang sarili na igalaw ang kamay. He instantly reacted, keeping my hand firm on his cheeks. I didn't change my reaction to let him know that it's alright, that what I would be doing is far from what his thoughts are made of. Bahagyang nanginig ang mga kamay ko na umangat, nag-aalinlangan na dinapo sa ulo niya bago tuluyan na pinaraan sa kanyang buhok upang siya ay tahanin.

And I knew from the moment when I touched him without duress, I have decided.

"It's okay..." marahan kong sabi.

Dahan-dahan ay yumukod ako sapat para siya lang ang makarinig sa aking sasabihin.

"Hindi ka makukulong," bulong ko.

His eyes blinked softly as my tear landed on his cheek.

"I won't let that happen."

He pushed his face towards mine so he could reach me for a kiss. Hindi ako umatras at hinayaan siya na patakan ng marahan na halik ang labi ko.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered against my lips, tasting a bit of salt from my tears.

"Did you really stop?"

Matagal siyang tumitig bago tumango. Iniwan niya ang mga mata ko na tila sumusuko at ibinaon ang mukha niya sa tiyan ko. Like a default reflex, he instantly wrapped his inked arms around my waist as if it's the only remaining hope left for him.

Dahan-dahan yumukod muli ako at binulungan siya. "Kailan ka huminto? I need to know this, Angelov, please."

"Birthday mo. Iyon na ang huli."

Ilang sandali akong nanatili sa ganoong ayos, inalala pa ang gabing iyon bago natagpuan ang singhap at unti-unting hinila ang sarili. Mga mata ko ay nasa hamba na para abangan ang pagpasok ng dalawang pulis.