OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

THIRTY EIGHT

"Hi. Hindi ko alam anong sasabihin. Hindi ko nga alam kung mapapakinggan mo 'to. I mean...  I don't remember you brought your old phone when you're about to leave that day so I didn't bother. I left your phone in your house, hoping you retrieve it yourself and hear this... " A heavy and quivering sigh. "Anyways, I miss you. I'm still waiting, Angelov."

A short beep followed before the next speaking memory filled the room.

"They all claimed you're dead. I told them the news lies. The fact that I can still call this number and leave you voice mails made me believe so... come back to me, to us, please. Naghihintay pa rin ako. Bumalik ka na..." mangiyak-ngiyak kong pakiusap.

Beep.

"Where are you? Are you even listening to this? Do you even hear me, Angelov? Nasaan ka na? Are you really gone? I don't think so. I could feel it. I could see you everywhere!  Call me back , please. I won't change my number. Call me your baby girl again, please..."

Beep.

"Hindi ko na kaya! Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin," iyak ko at tila wala nang ibang pagsusumbungan. "I... I'm going to get married tomorrow. Please, pigilan mo! Pigilan mo! Pigilan mo..." umaalong iyak ko.

My cries on the saved voicemail dragged a bit longer until the usual beep cut it.

"Hi, it's been a long time. I haven't called because... they sent me to rehab," my voice was cold and callous in here. "Tito Evrard paid for the expenses and Quentin, visits me often. They said I've gone mad. Crazy. I see things I shouldn't be seeing. They placed me under suicide watch. Sana nga hindi na nila ako pinigilan. I won't go to heaven if I kill myself because... well," a breathless and weak chuckle, "for sure you're not in heaven if you're really dead."

I don't even recognize my own voice. In its coldness, it just doesn't sound like me. It's like everything in me has been stripped away only leaving my bones beneath the melting skin. 

"I'm just probably bored, pero hindi naman sa naiisip kita tuwing bored ako. I'm just wondering... do they have phone calls in hell? Are you partying with the sexy devils? Have you finally proved that God exists? How was He when you met Him? How did you feel? Did He already threw you out before you could have even met Him? Or Peter did? Did you meet your Mom?"

Kumunot ang noo ko nang maalala ang voicemail na ito noong naglasing ako. Figures, I sounded drunk in here.

After the short beep, the long pause that took over comprised my subtle breathing morphed into an exhausted, hopeless sigh.

"I have no words. But can you hear my deafening hope in that moment of silence? Umaasa pa rin na sasagutin mo ang tawag na ito at maririnig ko ulit ang boses mo. Kahit siguro buntong hininga mo na lang ayos na sa 'kin."

Beep.

"Hi. Someone wants to talk to you...  Hello, Daddy! It's our birthday today. We miss you! But I miss you more. Come back home na. And oh! Mommy said you know Spanish so I asked my school to put me in Spanish class. You should learn French too!  I'm fluent in it but I guess it's easier if we speak in Filipino or in English.  Anyways, I'm going back to my party. I have so many gifts! But it's better if you're here... Bye bye! I love you..."

Beep.

"Shh.... Mommy doesn't know I'm calling. Are you there, Daddy? You never called us back. Please call us back, I will be waiting beside Mommy's phone."

Nakakunot ang noo ko, napatulala na wala akong kaide-ideya na nagamit ito ni Dorcas noon. How was she able to locate my old phone when I was hiding it?

"Daddy...." sumisinghot si Dorcas. Humihikbi. "I hate, Sal. I don't want to believe what he said because I trust Mommy's words more. Hindi ka na ba talaga babalik? Where are you ba kasi? I miss you, Daddy. But Mommy misses you the most cause she's always crying. I don't know how to make her happy anymore."