OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

FORTY FOUR

The skies have bruised inch by inch until daylight has gone to its placid descent. Inside the lit shelter of the bygone days; From childhood to adoloscence, our petty wars to grave nightmares in ourselves, the spun-out yearning has finally been wept. Father to child. Son to man. But the wrath of the unlived days was blessed in regret.

By Angelov himself. To see the regret engraved on his face made me question if he had somehow rued his no good decisions or was he grateful? But how can we find gratitude in such tragedy?

May mga desisiyon din naman ako noon na labis kong pinagsisihan pero kung wala ang mga iyon, ihahatid pa rin ba ako sa hawig na kapalaran? Is it still sensible to bear the remorse and gratitude at once? Maybe it does, only that one should weigh heavier than the other, I suppose.

The same question that used to faze me in the past made its grand resurgence as I treaded behind Angelov in the same street under deep night's mercy. I longed to catch his hand as he persisted to march his way back to their old house. Matinding pagtitimpi ang ginawa ko para hindi hulihin ang kamay niyang patuloy kong pinagmamasdang naglambitin sa gilid, pinaglalaruan ang susi ng kanilang bahay.

"Lov!" The distant echo of my voice caught me.

I lifted my gaze only to draw in a harsh breath upon the sight of his buzzcut head. I was seemingly brought back to how I chase after his high self in the hopes to pull him down to sobriety. High as a kite he was, flying up, and without the string. Kaya patuloy akong nangangapa, tumatalon, tumatakbo humahabol at nang matisod siya, agad akong sumugod para saluin ang namamayat at pasuray-suray niyang katawan.

The breeze blew cold.. I anticipated for the wind to send him down to the ground just as quickly because of his frail body. The light from the post beside their gates blinked repeatedly, never steadied. Tila ba walang hanggan na mariing pagkurap at sa bawat segundong sumasabay sa indayog ng paulit-ulit na dilim at liwanag, ay natutunghayan ko ang unti-unti niyang pagbagsak.

"Angelov!" I caught his arm where the roses stain and immediately wrap it in my tight grip. His arm that was hard as steel and feverish, unfazed by the cold summer night. *

Tumigil siya at bago pa bumaon nang tuluyan ang kamay ko sa init ng kanyang braso, dinungaw niya ako. Like a deer caught in headlights, my gaze were round when it met his confusion.

"Nilalamig ka?" Walang halong pang-aasar ang tanong niya. It was out of genuine concern.

Napatunganga ako saka pa namalayan ang sarili. Hindi pa ba tapos? Akala ko... maayos na dahil nandito na siya?

Mabilis kong tinanggal ang kamay ko at umiling. I slid my gaze to the empty house in front of us. It stood tall and great as new just alike the old times. I heard Charlie painstakingly spiff this old house up and it shows by the way it maintained its form. New paint, perhaps lacquered furnitures, everything was well-managed and ready for sale... only that no one had taken interest to buy it.

And although it was empty and unlit, maybe one way to restore the lights inside was through remembering how it used to be.

"Are you sure you want to go in?" I asked in a tone buried deep within uncertainty.

Bakit ba kasi kailangan balikan? Ano bang sagot ang mapupulot namin dito? Why don't we just carry on where we left off?

But then, the way we left things off, or atleast the venomous fate left things for us was here... when they dragged and beat him like a stray dog! Alala ko pa ang duguan niyang mukha at kung paano ko ito kinulong sa mga kamay ko. Another whisk of the mild wind, I looked around. I watched every images leaping from one memory to the next, an endless loop of layer after layers of all those scenes as if the stirs of the wind take shape into days in where I was a willing participant of the moments that have transpired here. The good, the bad and the ugly.