OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

FOUR

Dinala ko ang isang kamay sa kaliwang dibdib, nakikipagkamay sa tibok ng kuryosidad na pilit inaabot ang kasalukuyan. My left hand stayed in its nine o 'clock position on my car's steering wheel as I was tearing off the clear road ahead of me. In my peripheral vision, the passing blur of street and city lights married the souls of dawn down my drive to memory lane.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa oras sa ibabaw ng stereo. The green digital trace blinked a 1: 30 am. The exact time and song playing about being a creep back then. Kasabay ng mahinahon na ugong ng white Fiat ay ang maingat na daloy ng pagpapatakbo ni Sydney sa kalalimang idlip ng araw noon.

The beat of loud curiosity got louder. Pati ang tugtugin noon ay bumibingi sa kasalukuyang panahon. Now watching the memory through the glass and dark horizon, I know it's too random to even realize this all of a sudden. But I just couldn't begin to ignore how it make sense to me just now.

That when talking about the past, it always renders to be a mere memory. But once we speak of the future, it's either an imagination or a vision. Never 'a memory of the future'. However, 'an imagination of the past' does augur well to me.

How about the should have beens, then? Imahinasyon pa rin kasi ang mga 'sana' dahil hindi naman ito kailanman nangyari sa nakaraan. They are only the hindquarters of the past that didn't make to its occurence and also, the beginnings of hope and yearning that is yet to happen. So they just run in circles around our heads or yet, buried beneath the repository of our desires.

"I shouldn't have brought you there, D. Kung alam ko lang talaga..." puno ng pagsisising sinabi ni Sydney.

Pinakawalan ako sa bumilanggong alaala ng madilim na pader at dasal pagkarinig ng singhot niya. She's still sobbing, I could tell. I turned to her only to see the worst. Mascara tears streamed her cheeks. Inaanod ng hangin ang alon ng kanyang buhok. Her skin illuminates each street lights that passes in her face. Kagat niya ang kuko ng isang daliri at tila hindi mapakali habang nagmamaneho.

"It's alright, Syd. Hindi mo naman kasi alam," I assured her, worried about her unease. Because it's true that it's not her fault. If anything, I willed myself to go after she asked me to. Hindi niya ako pinilit.

"Paano nga kung may nangyari sa 'yo?" her voice broke.

"Wala naman..."

"Shit! They're idiots! Hindi ko alam na gumagamit...fuck!"

Ngumuso ako. Her loud cursing tendencies isn't any more new to me. Kung may gusto siyang sabihin na sensitibo ay pinapalitan nito ng pagmumura. I don't know which is more explicit, though or more decent sounding. I bet it's the unsaid word but she still prefers to cuss her way out of it.

"Kilala mo ba lahat ng mga nandoon?" Hindi ko mapigilang itanong.

Binalik ko ang tingin sa labas ng bintana at huli na bago inusungan ng tanong ang isip ko. Now, I just hope that I didn't sound desperate when I asked.

"Not all. Most of them. Why?"

Umiling ako. "Wala..."

"May nanakit ba sa 'yo roon, D?" nahimigan ko ang galit sa kanya.

Mablis akong umiling. I showed her my expression just so she'd believe that nothing bad was ever been done to me.

"They're all nice to me. Which is new..."

"Mabuti naman. Pero sabihin mo lang kung may nanakit sa 'yo roon. Hindi ako magdadalawang isip, D. I would cut that man's dick and feed it to his momma!"

I almost choked. I have been friends with Sydney for quite a long time so I was able to know how of a cussing machine she is. Hindi na yata ako masasanay kahit kailan. She always surprises me with her... choice of words.