OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

PROLOGUE

PROLOGUE

My mind can be anything I want it to be.

It can be the ocean while I am the waves. The galaxy, and the stars are the blinking ideas.

And on the dark side, it can be the world where doubts are the countless meteors burning inspirations into embers.

Tinanggap ko ang handheld mirror na inabot sa akin. My eyes feasted at first on the vintage intricate design surrounding it with the studded gemstones running along in every detailed curves, expecting to see the same beauty when confronted by my own reflection. Hinarap ko ang salamin sa kabila, paulit-ulit, naaaliw sa bawat tama ng kislap sa aking mukha. In the golden rays of the afternoon sun, shreds of silver from the stones danced in the fairest of my dolled-up face.

My eyes caught the heart inset at the base of the mirror's handle. Ang nag-aalinlangan kong daliri ay binakas ito, as if the caress could disguisingly wipe out the chaos in my heart.

They can say that I'm the lucky one. Blessed, with how the people see that life has been so great to me. To us, and to our family. The people who get to look at the whole picture from the outside instead of also to perceive within. Because luck is not a fulfillment. To see us blessed and happy is not all there is to it. Dahil nakikita ka nilang kumpleto at marangya ay hindi ibig sabihin na wala ka nang hinihiling na iba. We may have owned the world, but the world is not what we need but the luxury of its refuge. We may have everything, but what the most of us truly needed are the simpliest entities enough to stop asking for more. And I always wondered why can't we easily have what we want? Instead, we were given the things, born with the possessions, that we'd never really hoped for?

Mother told me to just be grateful. I do, everyday. Or at least, I did before I lost my faith. Gratitude is a sublime quality which can probably equal to honesty and fidelity but for someone who is sick of dissatisfaction, nothing could ever beat contentment.

Ang nakataob na salamin sa tela ng damit kong puno ng diamante ay unti-unti kong inaalsa at hinarap sa aking mukha. I only had one or two seconds to stare at my own reflection nang agaran akong nasilaw sa tama ng sinag. Nilagpasan ng sinasakyan namin ang mga building na humaharang sa araw. I recoiled and swiftly closed my mascara-filled eyes and opened them again only to find myself staring at my own reflection...

This time, in a wider mirror.

Nilipat ko ang matatamlay na alon ng aking buhok sa kabilang balikat. My brown locks gleamed against the light from the chandelier above. In my four poster bed behind me, mahina ang tugtugin galing sa aking phone. I was humming to this song about being unloved when unattractive while my fingers are tracing my blatant collar bones.

Sa hindi malamang dahilan, tumigil ang daliri ko sa kalagitnaan. With my fingernail, I pricked my skin. I winced at the slightest pain felt but then, I did it again and again until it left a pinkish tint and crescent shape mark from my nail. Tumigil lamang ako nang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok ang matagal nang naninilbihan sa aming si Inay Hirelda.

My sweet smile hid my panic when she passed by, may dalang inumin para sa akin at nilapag sa tukador na nasa gilid. Kunwari'y walang ginawang malisya, umatras ako at nilapat ang mga palad sa hugis ng aking baywang.

I examined my own figure. Inipon ko ang labis na tela ng aking sutlang roba at kinuyumos sa likod hanggang sa naging pangalawang balat ko na ito na lumilok sa aking hugis. I flattened my stomache and sucked my inner cheek, staring at myself like this for a long time until breathing is not possible anymore. I exhaled loudly earning a look of disapproval from our old handmaiden.