OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

FORTY TWO

I woke up with a jolt. Unang bumati sa akin ang buong kadiliman bago dumapo ang paningin ko sa umiilaw na cellphone sa mesang katabi ng aking hinihigaan. 

Eyes straining for probably sleeping late, I'm also trying to gather my bearings. Tila basong unti-unting pinupuno ng tubig ang utak ko sa pag-agos ng mga kaganapan. 

Hinawakan ko ang aking braso ngunit naramdaman ko ay ang nakabalot sa aking kumot. When I move to shift from my side-lying position, I instantly recalled how I just threw myself in this comfortable bed without changing my clothes. Naalala ko ring... hindi rito natulog si Angelov.

Wala naman kaming pinagkasunduan na hindi magtatabi. It's safe to say that it was a mutual decision agreed in silence. Hinatid niya lang ako rito sa silid at pinanood ko lang din siyang umalis.

Alam kong napagkasunduan namin na hanggang pag-uusap lang kami, hindi ko naman akalain na susunod siya. As I've known him, he's not one who easily caves in to an order. Not that I expected him to but... so much has changed and that the air between us felt new.

Angelov... even whispering his name resembled savoring a distant taste, and I am saying this despite his kisses that felt just as the same; A hybrid of the wilderness and home. His name rolling in my tongue to recapture how sweet and dangerous it used to taste while my lips were heavy and awkward, stumbling and lost...

Nanatiling nakabalot sa akin ang kumot nang inabot ko ang cellphone. Baha ito ng mga missed calls at mga mensahe na wala pa akong ganang basahin dahil alas kuwatro pa lang pala ng umaga! I sighed and drew my gaze to the pure dark ceiling. Staring back at black for quite too long, I barely remember how I fell back to sleep.

My lids fluttered as the morning light penetrates my closed eyes. Naalala ang mga mensahe kanina ay inabot ko ang cellphone habang unti-unting dumidilat. Bago ko pa man makapa ang mesa, nadirekta ang paningin ko sa ibaba ng higaan.

Halos tumalon ako nang napaahon sa gulat. Bakit may pusa rito?

Round face and a little rotund body, the ash cat gazes creepily at me through its blue eyes. It wagged its tail once then meowed. Napakurap ako, gusto siyang sikupin pero baka kalmutin ako.

Tinungo ko na lang ang banyo para makapaghilamos at sipilyo. I don't know why I wasn't surprised to find unused toiletries; The soap and toothbrush in the counter. The sight led me to conclude that no one has ever been here, perhaps a woman, with him before the event. Hindi ko rin naman naisip iyon sa kabila ng pagkakakilala ko sa kanya noon. If my memory serves me right, he never made me question if there were side lovers. What made a colossal dent to our relationship was never a someone, but his addiction.

Mas nag-alala pa nga ako sa relapse niya kaysa sa pagkakaroon niya ng iba. I mean, who am I to condemn when I myself married another man?

After removing my clips, I let my long black hair cascade down in waves. Tapos na rin akong maghilamos at sinuot ang puting roba na nakatupi katabi ng mga malalaking towels sa drawer. The moment I looked up at the mirror to check my reflection, I paused.

Maganda naman ang lighting ng banyo, warm white which in my opinion always makes me look pretty. Pero paano na kapag nasisinagan ng natural na liwanag? Now that I am sans make-up and no shower, halata ring kakagising ko lang dahil medyo namamaga pa ang mga mata. Not to mention my inherently small plumpy lips that are puffy today...

This reminds me how I used to always brood over leaving my room barefaced. My round face, the gap in my teeth, my awkward smiles... now just by thinking about facing Angelov, I don't seem to dwell on that same concerns anymore...

He'd seen the worst parts of me and has made love to my ugliest, maybe this is why? Hindi nga lang ako sigurado ngayon. Years had passed, changes are constant and inevitable but so what?