OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

TWELVE

Gazing at the passing blur of the leaden city beyond the car's window, it took me at least three long minutes before I had whisked my mind off the trance and finally acknowledge my sister. Naging malinaw ang boses niya sa pang-ilan nang tawag mula sa kani-kaninang tila nililibing na sambit.

"Po?"

Nasa harap ng daan ang tutok niya habang nagmamaneho. I caught her light smile and from that, guilt started to caress its claws and gripped tight around my throat. Tinitiris ko ang imahe ng mga bumabagabag sa akin bago pa man niya mahulaan ang mga binabalikan ko.

"You're still okay with the therapy?" she asked, pertaining to earlier's appointment.

Dumugtong sa buhay ng paninitig ko sa kanya ang pagtataka. Why is she suddenly asking me about it? 

"Pansin ko lang ay nagiging tahimik ka pagkatapos ng session," she added, her other hand reaching something from the backseat. Dumaing ang grocery plastic nang mahawakan niya't dinala sa harapan. "Are you hungry?"

I neither nodded nor did the opposite of it. Basta ko na lang kinuha mula sa supot ang bag ng popcorn. Before we headed to Dr. Costello's clinic this morning, Ate Merewald offered me breakfast but my appetite was just too despondent to even be excited about a meal. Hanggang ngayon, pinapakiramdaman ko pa rin ang gutom na hindi naman dumating. Isa rin ito sa mga binanggit ko kanina sa doktora; If my lack of appetite was still moored from my immortal desire to lose weight and hopefully, burn with it the insecurities disguised as adipose tissues, or am I already getting used to not ingesting at all? 

I licked the dryness out of my lips. Kaagad sumugat sa ilalim ng dila ko ang natuklap na balat sa labi sa panay kagat ko nito.

"I'm fine with the therapy..." Conviction was a fainting soul in my words. Natuon ang malaking bahagi ng aking lakas sa pagbubukas ng popcorn. 

I started helping myself with the snack. Umigting lamang ang panunuyo ng aking bibig. I opened a bottle of water and while drinking so, my eyes took hold of the bag's expiry date. September 2013. This year? Ang makita ito ay binuksan lamang ang pinto ng alaala para batiin ang araw noong nahagip ko ang litrato ng ina niya. In which led me again to remember how I heard him.

I was able to go home safe that afternoon but with a very sore heart. Unang dinig ko ng dumaang sasakyan ay tinulak akong umpisahan ang pag-aabang sa kanya, kung umuwi ba siya kasama ang ina. I fell asleep waiting, and the days after that, I never saw him again even in the tattoo parlor. 

Lalo pang bumigat ang loob ko na hinindian ko ang paglabas ng bahay.

"We're almost there. Sigurado ka na ba rito?" 

Lumiko ang takbo ng isip ko sa naging tanong ng kapatid. Nahihimigan ko rin ang umaasang disposisyon niya na magbabago pa ang desisyon ko. Tanaw ang dating unibersidad, sinadya talaga namin ang araw na ito para sa mga importanteng lakad lalo na't day off niya ngayon. And after the therapy session, I'm going back to this school not to continue my studies, but to finally say goodbye and retrieve my documents. 

Lumabas ako ng sasakyan pagkatapos maiparada at biglang naalala si Mommy. She always has her high dreams of my successful education and how I will end up taking after her steps, only for me to fail her like this. Not that she cared but still, I was hoping an ounce of her has developed that affection through my achievements. I texted her of my decision this morning. Wala akong inasahan na kahit ano pabalik maliban sa pangungumusta man lang sana. While I could still tolerate my father's one-liner replies of fines and how are you's. Sa huli, kay Inay Hirelda na lang ako kumuha ng impormasyon sa kalagayan ng mga magulang at sitwasyon sa bahay. She said there's no problem. It's just that the great Graciella and Alessandro Vidaurri were always busy with their own separate pursuits.