Fire Emblem (Edgar Frog Fanfic)

Chapter 22: Sunk Shipwreck

Chapter 22: Seraphina's POV

Dear whoever is reading this,

       It's been seven months, one week, five days, seventeen hours, and thirty four minutes since I killed Sam. And I never even said goodbye. 

     I haven't stopped seeing it every time I close my eyes and while at first, I was petrified of reliving the moment that I let myself shove the stake through his chest, I find that each time I do, I notice something different about the emotion of the moment. The night of, as aforementioned back a few pages, I only saw exactly what he wanted me to see. I saw the hate and anger in his eyes, the hunger for violence tinging every single word that fell from his mouth. But last night, I recalled the pleading tone in his voice and the way he hesitated just enough for Edgar to get close enough to us instead of just killing me when he definitely could have. 

   He knew I would hesitate. And I believe that's why he attacked Edgar- because it gave me a reason though I begged him to stop, to kill him. And I can't help but consider that fact that perhaps Sam wanted to die. I bought a few educational books lately about the history of vampires, where it stems from and about their lifestyles. When inquiring about reversing the effects of vampirism, besides them being a half bloodsucker, there is no way to turn them back. Every single book notes that if there is an alpha or head vampire, once they are killed, any vampires under their lead are killed too. 

   I tried telling Edgar yesterday, because I know Sam's death weighs heavy on him too. However, he shook his head and continued working like he hadn't heard me. I know his reaction is out of pain and spite but I am going to try again after I finish writing this. He deserves to breathe, to just relax and live life, but it seems life doesn't want us to live peacefully. 

   Edgar took the blame for Sam's murder. I dialed mom's phone the following day before Edgar could get to me because I felt so guilty and I needed to confess. He broke the doorknob and entered that bathroom, yanking the phone from my hands after I'd managed to squeak out that Sam had died. I could hear Mike's voice on the other line cursing Edgar after he'd asked what the hell happened to his little brother. Edgar said he did it. That he killed Sam because he attacked him and didn't see a way out. He never mentioned me even being there and my heart can't take it. 

    I can see him crumbling. I suppose the only good thing that's coming from this is Alan's come home. Well, sort of. He resurfaced last month- the first time Edgar got me to leave his trailer- and the pair of us drove there to see him. He was definitely more human than Sam had been, but I'm not blind. I can see the hope draining from his words every time he speak and the light draining from his eyes every moment he's stuck as a bloodsucker. I know he is losing hope drastically, but he promised me, promised Edgar he would stick it out for two more years. He believes in us and I believe in him. 

       I love him and-

My pen gets interrupted by the loud thud of something heavy being dropped in front of me before a very similar sound echoes from the right of me. My eyes lift to find a clearly pissed off Edgar glaring down at me, gesturing to the things he'd dropped around me. I glance down to find the books I'd left open near the stove of his trailer crowded around me. "This is bullshit, Ser. Whatever you're trying to tell me-"

"I'm just saying, Eddie. Maybe he wanted to die. We've known all along that once vampires feed, their mortal souls no longer exist. Sam fed way before Al got turned. There's always an initial exhilaration with the first handful of kills, but sometimes some vampires don't get a thrill anymore. They don't feel the rush or feel as fearless. Maybe Sam was going downhill and decided the lesser of two evils would be to kill-" My voice is soft, tone kind as I try to break my thoughts to him a gentle way. It isn't easy to see that someone wanted to die.

The logical hunter spins on his heel to face me with a dark glare painted across his face. "He almost bit me. Hell, he clawed you and nearly bit you!"

I stand from my seat at the table, forgetting about my journal. My right hand places itself across my heart, jabbing myself in the chest to emphasize the person I am. "Because he knows me Eddie. He's always known me. You know me. I would never had hurt Sam unless I didn't see any humanity in him. So he played the part. He could have killed me before you even got near us but he paused to wait-"

"Because he wanted me dead for what I did to him! Not you!" Edgar's hands raise just to cover his face in exhaustion, running them down it to try to calm himself down. His chest heaves for a few moments as we stand in a deep tensioned silence. "Ser. I regret what I did to him and we both have regrets about him getting bit. But searching for a reason behind it all just to make us feel less guilty for staking him isn't going to make us heal." 

Tears well in my eyes because I can feel the thumping in my heart- the throb that's been lessening since that night as I continue to look into it- expand. I'm onto something, I can feel that I am right about Sam's intent. My hand reaches out, placing itself against his right bicep and running down the surface of his arm to ease whatever negative emotions I can from him. "I'm not going to apologize for looking into it. I've been replaying it in my head ever since it happened and I can feel that I am right, Eddie." His head lifts from his hands, his eyes narrowing at me in disbelief. "I was right about Max. About Dwayne, Marko, David, and Paul. Every time there was something wrong in a hunt and I could feel it, I was right. Was I not?" 

"That-That was all different circumstances. It isn't the same." 

Irritation begins to raise in me at the distancing he's exhibiting. I understand he may be uncomfortable but I can see in his eyes that he genuinely doesn't believe the words falling from his own lips. He knows I am right, but for some reason it's so much easier for him to believe otherwise. "Why isn't it?  What makes it different, Ed?" 

He suddenly shoves my hand off his shoulder then throws his hands up in the air to signal his defeat because he no longer wants to defend his idea. The rapid change of gesture causes me to jump back and for the first time in a long time, my heart pounds against my ribcage because all I can picture is the rage my dad exhibited- the irrationality my mother allowed to overrule the logical pieces of her brain. "I'm not going to watch you do this to yourself, Ser! I've told you multiple times that you need to stop! You're burying yourself in a hole that you won't be able to get yourself out of!" His voice only gets higher in volume and his typically warm brown eyes harden- darken- with the same anger. 

I don't say anything and maybe I should, but my own anger makes me unable to speak. Yelling over him wouldn't do anything proactive so I stand there as if he isn't affecting me. All his words flood my ears, but none of them fully hit me until he tells me leave. "What?" I whisper so lowly, I can hear my own heartbreak in my voice. 

"You need to leave. I don't want you in my life if you're going to do this. I can't watch you tear yourself apart trying to prove something that doesn't exist." His voice is no longer shouting- he's suddenly much more self aware about his volume and a different part of me I only know can hurt because of Sam, begins to throb at the finite solution of his words. 

The tears roll down my face at the seriousness painted across his hardened features. He truly wants nothing to do with me. "Ed-" He opens the front door, making it final. He no longer wants me here because he knows that I am not letting go of this Sam wanting to die thing. The lump in my throat grows, but I turn back to the table to gather the two books and my journal. "Please. All that we have left right now is each other-"

"You can stay if you'll stop searching." He utters, staring me straight in the eyes. 

"You know I can't do that." My words are barely audible to my own ears but the glazing in his eyes say that he clearly heard me. 

He nods towards the door, "Then you have to go. I won't watch you destroy yourself." I step past him, unable to look him in the eye as he forces me to leave. To choose between knowing that I helped Sam in his last moments or continuing to believe I murdered an innocent man who maybe- just maybe could have been saved, who wanted to live. "Goodbye, Seraphina." 

A choked cry escapes from my lips as I take the first step down from the trailer. When I get to the dirt, I quickly turn to face him before he can shut the door. Our eyes meet for the final time and I let all these words tumble from my lips in three simple sentences. "Goodbye Edgar. I love you endlessly. Nothing, not even goodbye, will change that." My voice cracks, my body beginning to internally crumble on itself so I spin back around and force myself to get into my car instead of collapsing on his front lawn.