Harry Potter Oneshots

Guilt - Pansmione

Pansy rolls over in bed. She's been tossing and turning for an hour, but she can't seem to fall asleep. When Hermione's home, Pansy has no trouble sleeping. But Hermione's work has kept her late, and there's no one home to chase out the dangerous thoughts that lurk in the dark corners of Pansy's mind. 

As the digital clock on their nightstand turns to 11 o'clock, Pansy gets out of bed with a groan and clicks on the lights. She stumbles to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea to calm her nerves. 

Her hands are trembling as she reaches for the kettle. Water splashes across the front of her nightgown and robe as well as the counters.

"Ah, fuck," Pansy sets down the kettle with a loud clang and grabs a towel. 

You're useless, a cold, vicious voice murmurs in the back of her mind. You can't even make tea correctly. 

Pansy bites her lip and rubs a bit more ferociously at the water on the ground. 

You're still just a little girl who can't do anything right. You're useless.

Pansy rubbed away the tear that runs down her cheek. She stands up and grabs the kettle. She slams it into the stove. She lights the stove, watching the merry blue flames flicker and dance around the kettle. 

You shouldn't even be here. After everything you've done, to Hermione, to everyone. She doesn't love you, how could she when you're such a monster?

Pansy swallows her sobs and clutches the edge of the counter. Her eyes are swimming with tears and she feels faint. 

You're such a burden to Hermione. You should just end it. You'd be doing her a favor. 

Pansy crouches onto the floor, clutching her arms around her as tears flew from her unrestrained. She can't catch her breath, can't stop crying, can't stop thinking.

Dimly, she registers the high squeal of the kettle and click of the flat door opening. 

"Pansy?" Hermione appears in the doorway, confusion written on her face as she catches sight of her girlfriend. She flies over to Pansy, turning off the stove and kneeling beside her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Pansy sobs, leaning into Hermione's arms and unable to talk. 

Hermione holds her while making soft comforting noises until Pansy's calmed down enough to speak. 

"I couldn't stop," Pansy cries through gritted teeth. 

"Stop what, darling?" Hermione brushes away a strand of hair that's fallen in Pansy's face. 

"Stop thinking!" Pansy buries her face in Hermione's shoulder. "I hurt you and everyone else. I was so stupid."

"That was forever ago. I've forgiven you. You were young and impressionable. Your parents influenced you."

"I was awful."

"You were a child," Hermione says. 

"I wasn't a child when I tried to turn in Potter."

Hermione sighs. "Yes, you were. You were barely 17. You were trying to protect everyone else."

"I was so stupid."

"Harry's forgiven you, I've forgiven you. Everyone who matters has. You barely had anything to do with the war."

"I enabled Umbridge in the fifth year."

"Are we going to sit here and recount everything you've done in the past? We've all made mistakes, Pansy. But you aren't at fault for the actions of your 16-year-old self."

"My mistakes are objectively worse than yours."

Hermione glared at her. "I'm trying to comfort you and your making it bloody difficult!"

Pansy smiled brokenly. "Sorry."

Hermione leaned down and kissed Pansy softly. "You are a good person, despite your past actions."

"Your therapist is showing," Pansy smirked. 

Hermione whacked her on the arm. "Are you getting tea or not? I've had a long day and I want to go to bed."

Pansy groaned and stretched. "I'm tired now. I couldn't sleep before."

"Mmkay," Hermione said, standing and dumping Pansy on the ground. 

"You're a menace," Pansy grumbled before getting to her feet herself. 

Hermione giggles and wraps her arms around Pansy's waist. "I'm your menace."

Pansy groans and kisses her. "You cheese."

A/N: Oof I'm sorry

your genderfluid nightmare.