Imprinted Memories

An Unpleasant Wake Up Call And An Escape

Izzy woke up the next morning when someone poked her shoulder in excitement.

“What is happening? How late is it?” She groaned into her pillow before she turned her head to find a broadly smiling Madzie.

“It's Christmas morning. The other ones are still sleeping and Clary's not here.”

“Maybe she's in the bathroom.”

“No, I looked everywhere.”

“Sometimes she takes a morning run.”

“I don't know. Her jacket and her bag are gone.”

“What?” Izzy shrieked suddenly wide awake and jolted upright.

She developed a bad feeling when she saw the spot next to Jace being empty. She got up and started to look around and froze when she found a note sitting on a cupboard.

“Do you know where she is?”

“No, sweet pea, I'm sorry.”

“What are we going to do now?”

“Guys, you better wake up. We have a problem here!” Izzy called out and started to nudge the others to wake them up.

“Damn it, Izzy! What's up?”

“Clary's gone.”

“Did you check the bathroom or maybe she had gone for a morning run.”

“Jace, her bag is gone and she left a note. I doubt, she would have done it if she would have just gone taking a shower.”

And with that Jace sat straight up, frantically looking around.

“How could she...? We were all sleeping here and... “

“I don't know. Madzie woke me up because all of you were sleeping and she wondered where Clary is.”

“The note might tell us where she is.”

But before Izzy could unfold the letter, it knocked on the door.

“Maybe that's her.”

Magnus went to open to door. It wasn't Clary but Maryse and Luke.

“Good morning. Did we wake you up?”

“No, but it's good that you're here. But come in first.”

Both of them sensed something was wrong when they came into the living room.

“What happened? And where's Clary?”

“She's gone,” Jace said flatly, feeling awfully reminded of that evening when she had left them all behind.

“What do you mean, she's gone? Did you have a fight?”

“No, we didn't. She left when we all were asleep. I don't know what she has. I thought that this was what she wanted.”

“Jace, no one's blaming you,” Jonathan tried to calm him, “Izzy, what does her letter say?”


I'm sorry for leaving all of a sudden. I know that this will spark some unpleasant memories but it's different this time. I was so happy I got to spend the holidays with all of you, the people I hold so dear in my life.

I wanted to enjoy this time of the year with you but I can't. I thought, I'd be able to but there is something the most of you don't know about. Something that I tried to push aside for way too long which has come back to haunt me. Jace will tell you what it is.

Please don't try to find me. I will come back but I feel like I need some time on my own to breathe. I just can't be around and act like I'm happy if I still feel plagued by my own feelings of guilt. I'm sorry for worrying you. It wasn't my intention to ruin the holidays.

I don't know when I'll be back. I only know it feels wrong to be around you right now regardless of how much I want to be. I couldn't really sleep because I was afraid I would snap to day and lose my composure.

You all are my family and the last thing I want for you is to be hurt. I can only ask you to give me this amount of time to recollect myself.

I love you all so much and I wish I could be with you.

Love, Clary.



Eight pairs of eyes were resting on Jace after Izzy had finished reading the note. He couldn't recall when he had felt so uncomfortable. He desperately tried to hold back the tears.

“Jace, why did Clary leave? How often do we have to go through situations like that before you two realize that keeping secrets from us isn't really benefiting the situation?” though Simon felt sorry for his friend and saw how much this was weighing on him, he couldn't keep the anger out of his voice.

“Simon, it's not like that. What happened was more of a matter between them,” Alec interjected.

“So you know about it apparently.”

“We do but only because biscuit came here a few nights ago. Jace, you should tell them.”

“Someone should take care of...”

“No problem. Sweet pea, we're going to doll you up for the day,” Magnus said with a nod.

The rest waited till they had left the room.

“So?”

“I only know it for a few days myself. It doesn't feel right to talk about it when Clary isn't here.”

“Jace, apparently she's not able to tell us. So could you please stop beating around the bush.”

“Can't we just try to find her?”

“No matter what happened and what you're going to tell us, we won't be mad at you or Clary,” Maryse tried to calm him while sitting down next to him, “But her note and your behavior have us worried.”

“Has it to do something with the attack a few days ago?” Jonathan asked.

“Not directly but it brought something back up.”

“What is it?”

Jace took a deep breath, looking at each one of them them before he continued to speak.

“Clary found out, she was pregnant a few weeks after she had left. But before she could make a decision if she wanted to keep the baby, she miscarried.”

“By the angel and all while she had lost her memories. She must have been so scared,” Izzy gasped, “And it probably only got worse when she remembered what had happened.”

“She wanted to tell me but she didn't. She said she couldn't cause me any more pain.”

“And kept it to herself until the death of that girl brought it back up.”

“When she shared her memories with me, why didn't I...?”

“Because it's a conscious decision what someone wants to share and what not... And Clary had buried her trauma as deep as possible.”

“I didn't know that you and Clary were actually planning to have children,” Simon threw in quite sarcastically.

“It wasn't planned.”

“Why am I not surprised? You never were that much of the responsible kind, were you?”

“Simon, what the fuck is wrong you?” Izzy snapped back at him.

“What's wrong with me? I can tell you what's wrong. Clary and I never had any secrets until she ran into Jace. Ever since then she started to hide important things, not only from me but also from the most of you too. And with time it only got worse.”

“Stop it. You don't know what you're talking about.”

“I thought, you never gave up on Clary, so why didn't you know about her being pregnant? But maybe it played into your cards that she couldn't remember who knocked her up and you didn't have to worry about it anymore when she miscarried.”

None of them saw it coming when Izzy smacked Simon and glared at him.

“How do you dare to say something like this to him?”

“Then tell me, where was he?”

“I didn't know about it until she told me. And I'm really sorry that neither Clary nor me are experts on matters how being subjected to Heavenly Fire, being bonded to Downworlders and spending some time in Edom would have an impact on birth control measures. I give you the benefit of the doubt and the shock about this development that you behave like an idiot right now. But I really thought you would know me well enough by now to know I would have done everything to be with Clary if I would have had the slightest clue about it. Do you really think, I would have let her alone being pregnant with my child?”

“Jace couldn't know about it. At that time I had ordered him to accompany a training mission in Idris,” Alec interjected, taking a stance between the two of them to avoid a physical confrontation.

“Fuck Jace, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said this but... I'm just so shocked that Clary had to go through this. Of course I know you would have done everything to be with her. I'm an idiot.”

“Good for you, I already know that.”

“Nonetheless I want to apologize.”

“It's alright, Simon.”

Jace told them about the conversation he had with Clary while they stayed at the mansion and about the letters they had written. After that they all fell silent for a few minutes.

“We should find her. She shouldn't be alone right now,” Luke said, “But as stubborn as Clary is, she probably has her anti tracking rune activated.”

“So, we can't parabatai track her?”

“If she uses her anti tracking rune, no.”

“Just an idea. You and Clary were able to track me. I don't know if it could work out but shouldn't we be able to track her? You two have the connection through Ithuriel's blood  and Clary and I are Morgensterns.”

“Theoretically yes but I assume, Clary already thought of it.”

“Do we have by any chance a piece of clothing from her here? I know she took her bag with her but...”

“She asked if  she could pack her favorite scarf into my bag because hers was already bursting. Why you're asking, Iz?”

“If we combine our tracking abilities holding on to one of her belongings, we might overpower her stubbornness.”

“It's worth a try. I'll get the scarf.”

Jace came back with the scarf only a few moments later.

“How do we do this?” Jonathan asked.

“We have to hold onto each other and the scarf while we focus on Clary. When we're lucky, we can track her.”

“Let's hope that we'll find her.”

“Is it right to track her?”

“Clary ran because she was afraid not because she didn't want to be with us.”

Jace hoped they would be able to find her. It scared him to know that she was out there somewhere all by herself, feeling like she couldn't be with her loved ones. He didn't want to bring it up but he had feared, something like this would happen.

The more he was relieved when they were able to locate her but he was surprised where she was. Izzy and Jonathan looked as puzzled as him.

“What is she doing in Paris?”

“She's in Paris? Why the hell would she go there?” Alec sounded as if he would assume, Clary had lost her mind.

“We didn't get an exact location but I know where she went,” Jace said.

“Where?” all of them asked unison.

“The boarding house in Montmartre where we stayed when after we found her. Can someone get Magnus? I need a portal.”

“Jace, maybe you shouldn't go alone,” Maryse interjected, “It could be that Clary won't be willing to talk to you. I'll accompany you.”

“Do you know the destination.”

“We stayed there, the last time we were in Paris,” Luke said with a smile, “Go there and bring kiddo home. We wait here.”

“Yeah, but maybe you should start to unwrap the gifts. We don't know when we'll be back.”

“Do you know where she is?” Magnus asked coming back into the living room.

“We do. She's in Paris.”

“I guess, you want to go there.”

“Yeah, we can only try to convince her, she shouldn't be alone right now. You all just keep celebrating here and we hopefully come back with her.”

“Okay. If you need reinforcement...”

“Let's hope, this won't be necessary.”





Jace had to admit to himself, it felt very strange to be back in Paris. The first time they had been there, it had been him having gone through the worst emotional turmoil and now Clary had come here running away from her own feelings of guilt. He shook his head trying to snap back to reality. He followed Maryse into the boarding house where she already chatted fluently in French with the owner. Jace wasn't able to follow the whole conversation but he understood that Clary was indeed there. After a few more sentences Maryse walked over to Jace.

“She's here. I think, it's better if I go upstairs to talk to her alone. Madame Girard over there offered to spoil you with some opulent breakfast since she thinks, you look rather miserable and worried.”

“So much for the French charm. Do you think, Clary will talk to you?”

“I can only try. But let's not give up hope.”

“Thank you for doing this.”

“Clary's like a daughter for me. And I can't tell you why but I feel like she might need a motherly shoulder to lean on.”

“I hope, you're right.”

“Me too. We'll see how it goes. And it's just a suggestion but maybe it wouldn't be the worst if you two come back here and spend some days on your own. You could need a little timeout.”

“I'll think about it.”





Clary wondered who it was when it knocked. Probably it was Madame Girard who wanted to ask her again if she didn't really want something to eat. But she wasn't really hungry. All she wanted to do was to hide from the world for a while. But nonetheless she opened the door and was shocked to see Maryse standing in front of it.

“I doubt, it's a coincidence you're here.”

“Indeed it's not. Can we talk?”

“Maryse, I appreciate your concern but I really want to be alone.”

“I know what happened. Jace told us.”

Hearing that Clary walked backwards being unable to keep herself from crying. She looked so small and helpless that Maryse felt her heart breaking for her. As much as Clary had initially wanted to step back, she couldn't help but let herself fall into her embrace. Maryse held onto her, stroking soothingly over her back while trying to comfort her.

“I'm sorry. I just ruined everything,” Clary choked out.

“No, you didn't. We're worried. But why did you leave in the middle of the night?”

“It's so stupid but I was eavesdropping yesterday evening when Jace brought Madzie to bed and told her a story. I couldn't shake off the thought that if I hadn't been so ignorant, he could do this with our daughter. And I felt so guilty again.”

“Clary, I don't want to say I'm sorry cause that always rings so hollow but I want you to know that I'm always there for you. I hope, you know that the rest of our family doesn't judge you or thinks lesser of you.”

“They aren't angry?”

“No, of course not. They're shocked and sad, you went through this on your own.”

“I couldn't tell anyone. I wanted to but...”

“You don't have to defend or explain yourself. From what Jace told us, you didn't give yourself the chance to grieve properly and regarding the circumstances, I'd go so far to say it's normal to behave this way. I know, I should probably only speak for myself but I know that everyone of our family will be there for you. We're so happy that you're back with us.”

Clary broke into more desperate sobs and Maryse wrapped her arms tighter around her,

“It's okay. Let it all out. Allow yourself to cry about her, you need to do that.”

“How's Jace?” she sniffled after a while.

“Since you know him better than anyone of us, I guess you can figure it out.”

“He's here, right?”

“Yeah, while Madame Girard is probably going all clucking hen on him and serving everything she has to offer for breakfast.”

Clary couldn't avoid a chuckle.

“Yeah, she had asked me several times if I wanted something to eat. Can you get him?”

“Sure. But you promise me, you won't run?”