Finding Submission

Choices 23

The morning was cold and the tea mug was warm against her hands. Looking out the window Marissa thinks about Demitri and the choices she had made the other night. So many choices. She had no ideas that this lifestyle had so many choices. Sipping her tea she looks down at her phone checking the text messages from Danny.

He had updated her that she was doing well in the classes. It was actually nothing like what she had expected. It was mostly about safety and the possible red flags to look out for. Safety techniques were the core of the classes. There are also tips on positioning and stretches.

Apparently Danny thought she was doing well in the classes. Blithe had been approving but not very vocal about it, letting Marissa make her own choices and opinions. The last two weeks have been different. She had begun her Sub Classes and making a few trips to the library searching the community action board for possible hobby signup sheets for classes or book clubs. Every time she stood in front of those boards she would just hold a few books against her chest browsing through the signup sheets feeling foolish and unable to make a choice.

She would just end up coming home with a few books frustrated without plans for that weekend. Which means, she ended up going to the Playroom during the week end nights. Marissa enjoyed hanging out with Danny and some of the other subs. They just let her be there and take her time and enjoy herself.

After drinking and dancing she noticed that Demitri would never approach her. He let her come to him. But when she did, all of his attention was focused on her. Which had its own thrill to it. Last night he'd asked if she had found any sense of direction yet.

As she looked into those blue eyes she had felt a bit frustrated. It must have shown because his brow raised. "Not yet. I have been looking for something but... there are so many choices and... I don't want to waste time on the wrong one."

His brow had pinched slightly as he sipped at his drink. "You think taking time to find what you really want is a waste?"

Marissa had blinked and sat up slightly straighter. "Well... no. That's not what I meant."

"What you meant of not, it is what it is. Taking the time to find out what is the wrong path is part of the journey to finding the right one. It's okay to take a chance and it to not work out." Demitri said patiently.

Marissa was quiet for a moment and bit her bottom lip a bit tapping a finger nail on the table they sat at. "I'm used to trying to get it right the first time"

"But you aren't trying anything yet. You seem to be in a holding pattern because of your worry about making a misstep." Demitri's eyes just watch her with no judgment in them.

"..." Marissa didn't really have any defense since he was right. "What do you suggest?"

Demitri smiled then. That little half smile lifted his mouth. "Pick something, anything that interests you. Just start with one thing. You can pick something else later. Give it a try. See if you like it. If you don't, it's okay. Then try something else. You don't have to get it right. Getting it right isn't really what you are looking for anyhow right?"

Marissa thought about that and with a deep breath replied. "I guess not." She felt a little smile lift her own lips as she levels her own gaze over her own glass at him.

Thinking on it now as she looked out the window she could still see his logic and how it had felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders after that. Today she would pick something off the action board at the library even if it didn't end up perfect it was still better than the holding pattern. Starting was better than being stuck. He was right. So why did that make her smile instead of make her feel annoyed? 

8888888888

My new years resolution? I'm going to finish this book this year!