Attached

10

February 24, 1987

Stevie froze listening to her OBGYN talk. It was an annual checkup, the one that a woman has to have every year to make sure she didn't have cervical cancer, vaginal cancer, uterine cancer, anything like that. What she didn't expect was for her doctor to tell her that something was different about her cervix and she needed further testing, so after peeing in a cup and getting some blood drawn, which led to now, where she was being told that she was pregnant. 

"I'm what?" She asks.

"Ms. Nicks, you're hCG levels are elevated and your cervix is showing signs of conception. I'd like to do a vaginal ultrasound to discern a pregnancy and then we can talk about further options." She explains. 

"Um, well what do I have to do?" Stevie asks.

"Just lay back and put your feet in the stirrups. You'll feel some pressure but that's about it." She instructs. 

Stevie does what she's told and breathes deeply as she feels something entering her. The doctor turns the screen around and shows Stevie a complicated image. 

"So you are about eight weeks, I'm surprised you haven't had any symptoms." Her doctor expresses.

"What would symptoms entail?" Stevie asks.

"Well, morning sickness." 

"No, that's what clued me in on my first pregnancy...I um, terminated it." Stevie sighs.

Her doctor also sighs and then continues her list. "Well, increased vaginal discharge." 

"Okay, yeah...I'll admit to that one. But I just thought it was my increasing age. And an increase in sex." 

"Fatigue, bloating, constipation, food aversion." 

"No, Yes but I figured it was my period I'm due...I was due later this week, no, and no." Stevie explains. 

"Well your baby looks healthy and you look healthy, but let's talk about termination. You've had one previously." She states.

"Yeah, in 1979." Stevie nods.

"Are you thinking about doing it again? Because if so you're at eight weeks you only have four more until I can't give you one without compromising your health." The doctor pulls the probe out and presses a button to print pictures. 

"Yes." She says without hesitation.

"It says that you're married, are you sure you don't want to consult with your husband about it." She sighs.

"No, I'm not having this baby. My job is too demanding and I can't do it. I won't do it. My husband doesn't have to know. Doctor-Patient Confidentiality." Stevie sits up abruptly.

"Well, alright...I take it you aren't going to want these pictures then." The doctor sighs.

"No, I'll take them. I took the first ones. I have a little memory box." Stevie states.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell your husband." The doctor huffs.

"I'm sure." Stevie nods. 

***

March 2, 1987

Stevie was in the studio working on another album and Lindsey wanted to surprise her. Make her a nice dinner and wine and dine her in the comfort and safety of their own home. If they so much as tried to go out to a fancy restaurant and made reservations it would get out if they didn't make reservations it would still get out and they'd be trailed by the vulturous paparazzi. 

He let Ginny out of her cage and stuck her on the chain in the backyard. Stevie had told him she would try to be home around eight-thirty so he had four hours to kill. He saw the light flashing on the answering machine and he pressed the button.

"Hello, this is Women's Health calling to remind Stephanie Nicks of her appointment on Wednesday, March 4th for a pregnancy termination at noon. There is to be no food or drink for up to eight hours prior to the procedure except water. It's an outpatient surgery and a companion is required to be with the patient before, during, and after the procedure. Thank you and have a great day." 

Lindsey's mouth fell open and his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He didn't know if he was angry, upset, or heartbroken. He knew her stance on children and even though he did see himself having a family with her someday he knew that it was going to be a challenge to even get her to consider having a kid. But he was pissed because she didn't even bother telling him. 

He decided to forgo making dinner, and he really didn't want to be in the vicinity when she got home so he grabbed some of his stuff and moved it back out of her bedroom and into his own. His plan backfired though when she came bursting into his bedroom around eight forty-five.

"Lindsey, what are you doing in here?" She questions eyeing him laying in the bed reading a book. 

"I don't even want to look at you right now." He states not even looking up from his book.

"What did I do?" She asks her heart sinking. 

"Answering machine." He spits.

"Answering Machine?" She asks. 

"Go listen to the answering machine." He points out his bedroom door. 

Curiosity fills her as she makes her way down to the living room and presses play. That breaks her heart even more, and she finds herself running up the stairs to Lindsey's room.

"Lindsey I don't know what to say I..." She starts.

"Were you going to even tell me?" He asks throwing his book down. 

"No." She admits sheepishly.

"You weren't going to tell me. Is it even mine?" He asks.

"Of course it is, I'm nine weeks. That puts conception right at New Years." Stevie explains.

"But you still weren't going to tell me." He replies.

"No, because it's my life and my body. You don't have a say in what I do with my life and my body." Stevie states.

"Oh, so even though I'm your husband and the baby you plan on killing is mine, I don't get a say?" Lindsey asks standing up and grabbing at the suitcase in the closet. 

"No, you don't because the baby is in my body...You know I don't want kids." She spits. 

"Did it ever even occur to you that I do. I know our marriage and our life is unconventional, but I would give anything to have a little part of me running around this earth. I've dreamt of having a family my whole life and now you're just going to take it from me...I need to go, I can't even be in the same room as you right now. Look, am I mad about the abortion, yes absolutely. But at the end of the day, I do know that ultimately it's going to be your choice. I'm just mad that you weren't even going to tell me. I had a right to know, and I had a right to learn it from you and not the receptionist at the doctor's office. So I'm done, I'm out." Lindsey starts throwing the small amount of stuff he took from Stevie's room into the bag. He grabs his bag and he practically sprints down the hall to Stevie's room to grab more of his stuff. 

"Are you, are you saying you want a divorce, your three years aren't even up yet." Stevie sighs following behind him. 

"I don't know. I just know, that right now I need to be away from you." Lindsey spits. 

Stevie doesn't get to say anything before Lindsey slams the front door and squeals out of the driveway. She has this underlying feeling of dread and she stands at the front door with her head against it and starts sobbing. At the time she knew she what she was doing but now she wasn't so sure. She locked the front door flicked the lights off and made her way upstairs. As she was walking by the dirty clothes basket she saw his sweater laying on the top of it. She lets out a sob and discards her clothes and puts it on in their place. She holds it up to her nose to smell the cologne and then she goes over to the bed where she buries her face in his pillow and cries herself to sleep.