No Regrets [Jack Barakat]

Questions

Valentine's POV

"Wake up, Val!" Rian tried to wake me up. I put my face into the pillow and made whale noises. "C'mon, it's already noon. Even Alex already got up" he said. "I'm gonna sleep the whole day" I mumbled in my pillow. "Ian told me about those days...Well, here you're not allowed to have such days! Sooner or later you have to get up. You're in a tour bus with All Time Low, everyone is hyper here" he warned and I could hear how he walked away. "WHERE'S THE PEANUT BUTTER?! I NEED FRICKIN' PEANUT BUTTER!" I heard Alex yell from the front. Well, here's really everyone hyper. "MATT! I HAVE FUCKING ARM PIT HAIR! WHY DO I HAVE ARM PIT HAIR?! I NEVER HAD ARM PIT HAIR BEFORE!" yelled now Jack. Gosh, can't they be quiet for just some minutes?! "Jack, shut the fuck up" Rian complained. Okay, there are two normal people on this bus: Rian and Zack. The rest is complete crazy. "Valentine! Valentine!!! VALENTINE!" Jack yelled again. "Oh my god. WHAT?!" I was already annoyed. "Get up! It's noon!" he said. I could hear, that he was now in front of my bunk and opened the curtain. "No. I don't wanna get up" I mumbled. "Get up!" he yelled and started to tickle me. "Stop it!" I squealed. "No!" he said and continued. "Okay! Okay! I'm up! I'm up!" I squealed and sat in my bunk. "You see, it isn't that hard" he said and walked away again. Maybe Ian was really right, a day in this bus will maybe help me. I mean they're all so fucking happy and crazy. I think I can need such people right now. I stood up from the bunk and walked to the guys in the front. "I told you, you have to get up sooner or later" Rian said. I stuck my tongue out at him and took a cup of coffee. "So guys, in about 20 minutes we're at a truck stop for some minutes" Matt informed us. "Are my guys there, too?" I asked. "Yep, they are" he said. I already miss my dudes, even if I saw them yesterday. "Val! Let's play some games!" Jack said and pulled me to the back of the bus. He took a FIFA game and we began to play. But I had the feeling, that he wanted to talk about something. After some matches he finally turned the TV off. "I wanted to ask you something, when it's okay" he said. "Yeah, sure. Ask everything you want" I said and turned around so I would look him in the eyes. We both put the controller down and he thought about the words he's gonna say. "Well, what's the song 'Myself' about?" he asked. "Um, well... It's about me. It tells my story. I grew up in a family where it was wrong to be yourself. I had never the chance to find myself. I was all the time just a girl who looked like every other girl. My Mom was really strict about that. I never bought my clothes, it was always my Mom. She kinda appointed who I had to be. When I was a teenager, I saw that there are people who looked so different than me and they told me, that they're just their selves. I learned that that's okay and told my Mom about those people. And she nearly kicked me out when I told her, that I want to be like them. So I was scared. I did what my Mom told me until I was 22. Ian was always the one who told my Mom to stop saying me this shit. He was always in front of me and protected me, so he clearly had never a good relationship with our Mom. With 22 I moved out and realized that it's okay to be myself. Well and then I met my band mates and told them everything. They were and are my only friends and helped me finding myself. We started the band because of that. I listened to rock music since I was a teenager and really loved it. But I never told my Mom that, because I knew she would never again let me to listen to it. So my dudes showed me more bands and then I started singing. So the band formed in the hope of the guys that I'll get better" I told my whole story. Jack just sat there and listened the whole time. "Wow, that's really hard" he finally said. Just then I realized that I had tears in my eyes. As Jack saw that, too he leaned over and hugged me. "Don't cry" he whispered. "I'm not crying. My eyes are just taking a bath" I joked and whipped my tears away. He laughed and let me go again. "Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded and gave him a quick smile. "I think you can do that. I mean, is there something that you always wanted to do when you were a teenager and didn't do yet?" he asked. Good question. Hm, oh yes there was something! "I remember something...I always wanted to dye my hair in a unusual colour...like purple" I admitted. "Purple? Wow...! Um, what do you think when we dye our hair as soon when we come home from tour? You're gonna dye it purple and I'm gonna get my skunk hair back" he suggested and smiled at me. "Wait, you're really getting your skunk hair back?!" I squealed. I saw pictures from him when he had skunk hair and it looked really amazing. "Yeah, but not like I had it. I'm gonna get it a bit different" he explained. "How?" I wondered. "You'll see at the hairdresser" he said. "Who's going to the hairdresser?" Alex wondered. He just came back to us and was eating a bread with peanut butter on it. "Val and me are going to the hairdresser together after tour" Jack explained. "Oh really? What are you gonna do?" he asked. "Well, she's gonna dye her hair purple and I'm gonna get my skunk hair back" Jack said and smiled at me again. As Alex heard that I'm gonna get purple hair, he looked at me with wide open eyes. "Purple?! Oh really? That's pretty cool. I always wanted pink fringe" Alex dreamed. "Well, why don't you come with us to the hairdresser and we'll all get awesome hair" Jack suggested and winked at me. "Oh hell yeah! Then we'll have awesome hair for Warped Tour!" Alex squealed. "Warped Tour?" I asked. "Oh yes, that's a pretty cool tour from Vans. There are many different bands which travel through whole USA and play some shows" Jack explained. "Oh that's cool" I said. "Yeah it really is. Aren't you guys playing at Warped, too?" Alex wondered. "Uh, I don't think so... Our tour manager never said something about it yet" I said. Jack and Alex nodded. "Wait, I'm gonna get my phone quickly" I said and walked to my bunk. I shouldn't watch at my phone, it was a bad idea. Because I had a text from my ex, Leon.
'Hey Valentine, I really need to talk to you. I miss you so bad and I'm sorry. Please let me explain everything xx'
2 months after we broke up, he really has to text me?! Is he fucking kidding me?! "Everything alright, Val?" Jack asked behind me. I jumped a little because I was so into my thoughts. I quickly hid my phone behind my back as I turned around. "Me? U-uh yeah..I'm okay...I guess..." I said and tried to smile. "You sure? What are you hiding behind your back?" he asked and tried to grab my phone. He came really close to me and touched my shoulder. "I-I uh...nothing" I stammered. All my tries to hide my phone failed and he could take it out off my hand, while he was half-hugging me. As he looked at it his face turned from smiling to serious. "Who's Leon?" he wondered and pointed at my phone. "That's...someone" I said. "Someone?" he asked again. "Well...he ruined my life more than it already was" I said, took my phone back and climbed in my bunk. Before I could close the curtain, Jack was suddenly lying beside me. "Wait, what are you doing?" I asked. "I'm not leaving your bunk until you tell me about this...Leon...boy..." he said and made himself comfortable. I sighed and took a deep breath. "Well, Leon is my ex-boyfriend. We were together for like a year. He was the one that always told me that I'm special and things like that. You know that I had no idea who I was in that time and some when...I-I believed him. I felt special and was so happy. But then...he cheated on me. As I found out and had a big fight with him, he said that everything he said was a lie. That he didn't think I'm special and that he didn't love me. He just wanted to have fun" I didn't realize that I was crying until I felt Jack's arm wrapped around me. "I fell into such a deep whole, I was...almost killing myself. And now he texted me again and he brought all the feelings back" I continued. Jack didn't say anything, he just pulled me on his chest and let me cry. That's just what I needed now. Just someone who's here for me and didn't say anything.

Jack's POV

Val was crying pretty hard. My t-shirt was wet from her tears but I didn't care about that. I just want that she feels better. "You know, sometimes I think about how it would be when I'm not in this world anymore..." she admitted. Before I could say something she fell asleep. I didn't know that she felt that way. What should I do? Should I tell Ian that she's thinking about killing herself?! I mean he's her brother, he knows her more than I do.

Val's POV

I woke up alone in my bunk. After I told Jack everything, I fell asleep on his chest. But it seems like he left me before I woke up. I rubbed my eyes and climbed out of my bunk. Everyone was spread around in the bus, some were in the front and some in the back. Most of them were actually in the back playing some games, probably FIFA. I decided to go to the front, because there were just Jack and Zack. "Hi Val, you slept well?" Zack asked me as I made myself a cup of coffee. "Yeah, it was okay" I answered and took a sip of the coffee. "Hey, we're going to a bar in about...15 minutes. Do you wanna come with us? Your guys are coming, too" Zack asked. I didn't realize, that it was actually evening. I slept from the noon until now. "Uh, yeah sure, why not" I said and sat on the couch next to Jack. He quickly smiled at me and then focused on the TV again. He was watching a kid's show. I finished my coffee and then went to my bunk. I took from my bag some black skinnies and a dark red tank top. In the bathroom I was checking my make up and then changed my clothes. As I opened the door the guys were already ready to go. It seemed like they just waited for me. "Ready to go?" Rian asked a bit annoyed. I just nodded and we left the bus. My band mates were already waiting for us at our bus. "Finally! We waited so long!" Jerry yelled when he saw us. "So sorry, but we had to wait for this young lady" Alex explained and nodded to my direction. "Hey, it's not just my fault!" I protested. They gave me a "c'mon"-look so I gave in. "Okay fine, it's my fault." "Oh well, let's go to the bar then" Ian said and began to walk in direction city. We all walked after him. We soon arrived at the bar and sat down in a lounge. "Okay, what do you guys want? I'm paying" Jack said and some of us cheered. Most of them ordered a drink except me, I wanted a beer. Bob went and helped Jack carrying all the drinks. It didn't take long until everyone was drunk.

Jack's POV

I was lurching around in the bar and searched Val. I didn't see her since...oh well, since I got drunk. Finally I saw a familiar face. "Hey Steve, have you seen Val?" I asked Steve who was dancing with a random girl. "Oh, uh, no...oh wait, I saw her walking up the stairs, I think she went on the roof" he babbled. "YOU LET HER ON THE ROOF?! ALONE?!" I yelled with wide open eyes. Steve was confused and I got some dirty looks from the people around us. But I didn't care. I needed to find Valentine before...well, before she does something stupid! After she told me what she's thinking about today, she could do everything up there! I was running to those stairs Steve told me about. I quickly run up the stairs and opened the door to the roof. There she was. She was sitting at the edge of the roof and hugged her legs. I was so glad that I found her...alive. I began to move and slowly walked up to her. "What are you doing here?" I carefully asked. She turned around a bit shocked. I saw the tears in her eyes. "Jack...I didn't notice you" she said and looked down to the streets. I sat next to her and made sure, that I was ready to hold her... "What are you doing here?" I asked the same question again. "I-I...uh...well...I just needed some fresh air" she explained. "So you had to go to the roof and couldn't just go in front of the door?" I wondered. She didn't answer this question, she just shook her head and burst out in tears. I lay my arms around her and pulled her closer to me.

Valentine's POV

I was so glad that Jack came to the roof. Honestly I had no idea what I was doing there, or what I wanted to do there... Anyway, we were now back at the bus. I was at my band's bus again, which was now full of my drunken band mates. I didn't drink that much. I was scared that I would do something...well...something stupid when I would be drunk. Anyway, my band mates said goodnight and climbed in their bunks. Everyone except of Ian. He wasn't that drunk, he could still walk pretty straight and talk like a normal person. "I talked to Jack today" he said and sat next to me on the couch. Why was he saying that to me? "Uh...okay...?" I asked a bit confused. "He told me, that you thought...about killing yourself" he said and looked worried at me. I didn't know what to say. Why did Jack tell him this? I just wanted him to know that and not my brother. And I wasn't really thinking about killing myself, I just wondered how it would be without me on this world. "Val? Can you answer me a question?" Ian asked. Still a bit shocked I nodded slowly. "Are you planing to commit suicide?" he asked. Fuck, what was I supposed to answer?