No Regrets [Jack Barakat]

I'm having my doubts

okay, this is my first fan fiction I ever wrote on English, so maybe it's a bit bored to read because I can't really talk in English yet. But I hope you enjoy it anyway and leave some comments :D

this story is fictional, I do not own All Time Low or anything else. I just own the story

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Valentine's POV

"C'mon Val! Get the fuck up!" I heard Ian yell from outside my bunk. He opened the curtain and tried to wake me up. Well, I was awake but I didn't want to get up. "No, leave me alone" I mumbled into my pillow. "You stayed in bed like a day now. It's time to get up and enjoy the life" Ian tried again. "There's nothing to enjoy" I complained. Suddenly he got serious. "Val, you know that we just want to help you. So please move your lazy ass out off this bunk!" he said. I moaned and moved my legs out of the bunk. Ian smiled at me and then walked to the front of the bus. I've always hated mornings but at this time I hated it more than ever. My life just sucked. I had actually no idea what I could do with it. I had no idea who I was and how I feel. In my family it was wrong to show any emotions or be yourself. It was just wrong. It was hard to find yourself in a family like that. I sometimes have still no idea who the fuck I am. I think about myself many times and then I stay for like hours in my bed or bunk and don't talk to somebody. Just like this week. I'm on tour right now with my band No Regrets and we're traveling from Cleveland to New York to play our 3rd last show at this tour. We're actually just the supporting act of All Time Low but it's still pretty awesome. We started the band in hope from the guys, that it'll help me to find myself and get better. I have to admit that it really helped me a lot. Because I could write everything down and I'm better at writing lyrics than talk to somebody about it. And it's actually better staying in a bunk of a bus with people in it than being weeks alone in a small apartment. I really liked the guys, they're like my family. Well, they ARE kinda my family since my real family sucked. Ian is my brother, so he's the only good person in my family. We're really close since we're children. He was the one who always was against that, what our parents taught us. He was the only one who believed in me, so I began to let myself free. And since I started to find and being myself, my parents begun to stop talking to me anymore. They ignore my calls and messages. But I don't really care, this family harmed myself more than it helped me. "How are you?" Steve, our bassist took me out of my thoughts. "It could be better" I answered and took one of the cups filled with coffee. I took a sip and noticed that everyone was looking at me. "What?" I asked them. "Oh, we....w-we are just a bit worried about you" Ian, my brother and our guitarist and backvolcalist explained. "Guys, there's really no reason to worry about me. I'll get better, I promise" I tried to calm them down. But it seemed like they didn't really believe me. "Seriously guys, I can do that. I...I just need some time" I tried to explain. "We are always here for you" Bob, our drummer let me know. I smiled at them before I walked to the back of the bus. There was a big TV and all the DVD's and DVD-player. I took a random DVD which was supposed to be a love story. Before I could begin to watch the movie our tour manager Tim yelled from the front: "We're at a truck stop! 30 minutes to do what the fuck you want to do." I laughed and quickly got up from the couch. The other guys were already out of the bus and sat with some chairs next to the bus. "Where're you going?" Jerry, our rhythm guitarist asked me. "I'm gonna walk around a bit" I said and walked towards a little picnic place. There was also a little lake. It looked really cute and romantic. If I would have a boyfriend I would totally take him here and make out with him. But yeah, I don't have one so I'll just be there sitting alone and thinking. I sat on the table and looked to the lake. It was pretty small and cute, I like that. The lake is kinda like me. Small and nothing special. I heard some steps behind me. I turned around to see who it was. It was Jack, the guitarist from All Time Low. "Hey, what are you doing here alone?" he asked and sat next to me. "Nothing special. Just sitting around and thinking" I said. "Thinking about what?" he asked and looked at me. "About me. I'm just like this little lake here. Small and nothing special" I explained. He lifted his arms in the air and seemed to be a bit shocked. "What? You ARE something special! And you're not really tall but that doesn't matter. I mean I just know you for some weeks but you're pretty cool" Jack admitted. "How are you supposed to know that? You know nothing about me. And believe me, you never wanna know me" I said angrily. I got up from the bench and walked away. "Valentine, wait..!" I heard Jack yell behind me. But I didn't stop, I walked straight to the bus. My band mates looked a bit confused at me when I got into the bus. I walked to the bunk area and grabbed my bag. The razor blade in my hand. I wanted to harm myself so bad, but then I remembered what I said to the guys earlier today. I wanted to get better, I really wanted. But I needed some pain. Fuck, what am I supposed to do now? The tears were running down my cheeks. "Val, put the razor down" I heard Ian slowly say behind me. I turned around and he looked worried. I could swear that he had some tears in his eyes, too. "Val, please put that fucking razor down" he requested. My whole body was shaking and I was sobbing so bad. I dropped the razor and broke down. Ian came to me and hugged me. "Everything will be okay. Don't worry, we're all here for you" he tried to calm me down.