Ellasyna [Ceaelie #1] | completed

xi | An Abundance of Secrets

© Stephanie Anne and Dee Atkins

                  Chapter Eleven

       Ebony stared, a look of shock and horror etched in the crevices of her old, withered face. Her hand shook as I climbed through the window, blood, dirt and bruises evident on my face, even with the lamp giving off the only light in the room. She stood and started backing away, moving further and further away from me. Her eyes never left mine. Then she opened the door, and walked away.

       I fell to my knees and burst into tears, my sobs wracking my body until my head and chest hurt. The entire night was weighing on my shoulders, the guilt of what I had done sinking into me, deep. I was tired, exhausted, my limbs were on fire, my head about to explode. I felt a deep pain in the middle of my chest, like a part of me was missing.

       It took me a long time to finally pick myself up and clean the blood and grit off of me. I peeled the clothes off and stepped into a warm shower, letting my muscles soak before I washed my hair and skin, scrubbing until they were red and raw. My muscles were still tense, even as I got out of the shower and dressed in comfortable clothes and went to lay down. Sleep came to me as soon as my head hit the pillow, the exhaustion from the night making its presence, and I was able to sleep, even when the nightmares came.

       I dreamt of the man and my blade sticking into his soft flesh, the way his eyes darkened, his soul leaving his body, and the accusation in his eyes. Then the Major came, Cam following suit. Cam looked at me like I were some sort of monster, the look of disgust piercing my heart in a way I hadn’t thought possible.

       Then my parents were there, across from Winchester, the look of anguish and sadness that crossed their features making me sick. Keenan, Marceus, Ash, Syreena, Zaelia; everyone was suddenly in the dream, each person giving me a look of shame, like they couldn’t believe I would do such a thing.

       “I didn’t want to! I swear, I didn’t want to kill anyone!” I screamed in tears, falling. I continued to fall, through a never ending darkness that consumed my soul.

       Then Kali’s voice whispered through the chasm, barely audible. “No one ever does.”

       I woke up sweating and breathing hard, the clock on my nightstand reading three in the afternoon. My heart was pounding hard and fast and I felt at any moment that it’d leap out of my chest. Sweat dripped down my forehead, neck and back, making the thin shirt I wore stick to me. My eyes stung with fresh tears and I could barely withhold the sobs that left my lips.

       What was happening to me? Why did I do it? Why did I kill that man? Why were all the faces of those I loved so haunting? Why was all this happening to me? Why couldn’t I control my fear, anger and sadness?

       Tears leaked from my eyes and I hurriedly wiped them away. Pull yourself together, Val, I ordered myself. You need to control yourself if you want a chance at saving everyone. Snap out of this state.

       I got up off the bed, my legs shaky. As I made for the shower I had a new resolve in mind. Do not waver, no matter what happens. This is the only way you can survive and save your race.

       Once under the freezing cold water I closed my eyes and let the new mindset really sink in. I locked away my emotions and became stone faced. If I was to survive this I had to have complete control over my emotions and feelings. I had to be the one to act, to strive.

       And with that thought in mind I stepped out of the shower, dressed and made for the barn.