My Tearsoaked Heart

My Tearsoaked Heart *{4}*

Okay here's chapter 4 for you!

Enjoy ! :)

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~~ Chapter 4 ~~

"We are gathered here today, to say farewell to Rebecca Elizabeth Parker, Michael Jay Fern and Kelly June Fern, who has gone to the hands of God and that were dear to our hearts. From dust you came, to dust you shall return. Jesus Christ is the resurrection and the life." The priest recited in the silenced breeze.

The coffins were lowered into the ground and covered in dark brown soil by men.

I stared at the three black coffins of my past family. I ignored the priest who was going on about 'committing the body of my family to the peace of the grave' and let myself create my own silence.

I couldn't cry today of all days. I had already cried seven days non stop at home, by myself and eating and drinking nothing. I was screaming continuously at nothing but the emptiness of my house, hoping that I could let some of the anger out that filled me and replaced the feeling that I once called happiness. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I hadn't been able to since they had died. Like without them there was no air. There was just nothing. I was torn, incomplete, just a leftover puzzle piece that didn't fit into any other puzzle.

I was slowly killing myself like the life was being sucked out of me. Guilt ran through my veins as I watched the men finish filling the graves with soil as a grey marble plate was placed on each one. Each plate was carved with the names of each of my family.

In less than a week everything was ripped away from me. My whole life was gone and guilt now ran my life. Everything I seemed to do remind me of them which would lead to a suffering of guilt and remorse.

I glanced up at the priest, tuning back into the scene before me.

"Miss Rose Fern, would you like to say anything?" He asked me directly and I hesitantly stepped forward. That single step seemed to use a lot of my energy. I moved towards my Dad first since he was closest to where I was standing. I took a deep shaky breath, trying to calm down all the negative emotions that were running freely within me.

"Dad. He was a loving and caring person, always putting people's needs before his own. His hilarious jokes and fun attitude could make the saddest person smile. He lived life to the fullest and I'm sorry that half of it was taken from you. That you didn't get to live the years that you deserved. I love you so much dad, I hope you forgive me for doing this to you as much as I know you would deny that it was my fault. I'll miss you." I leant down and kissed the cold marble surface, feeling silent tears run down my cheeks, those tears that I thought I wouldn't shed today. I stood up slowly, turning towards Mum's tomb.

"Hey mum. I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me. I remember how we used to talk about graduation and what collage I would go to ever since middle school. I knew I would be able to get through it with you there but now I don't think I can. I'm sorry that you couldn't live to see me graduate and for that reason I might not even continue school though I know you would disapprove. More things to be disappointed in me with." I sighed, choking a little from the little air going through my lungs.

"Mum was a wonderful and happy woman, always ready for a challenge and made the best chocolate brownies in the world. Her great personality got her through the day though this time she didn't make it. I'm sorry mum, I hope you forgive me too. I love you so, so much and I am going to miss you." I cried leaning down and kissing her marble plate too.

I then crawled over towards my sister’s tomb, kneeling next to it on the cold, rough grass.

"Kels? I don't know if you can hear me where you are though I hope it's a nice place. If there is someone who can play the piano up there then make sure to ask them to play you my lullaby every night. Kelly I just wanted you to know that you were the best sister in the world and I can not honestly say that I can live without you or mum and dad. I can't anymore, it's just too hard." I whispered as I clutched my chest that seemed to be numb. I wasn't feeling pain anymore, I was just numb. It felt worse then the pain. It didn't subside after a while, it remained where it was.