Title: Call Of The Light: The Return
Author: Tekemo
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Summary: A young man finds himself in a place where anything can happen. Its a magical world filled with many adventures to be known. So many mysteries unsolved, and a hero unlike the others. It's all a mystery at first but then it soon starts to clear. His past and everything he knew was gone, and he finds himself fighting day-by-day and getting stronger as he progress.
My view:
From the summary, this story has some potential to be a great idea. But taking my first glimpse of this story, all I can feel is disappointment.
Capitalization of the ‘I’s are forgotten in several places and dialogue is crammed in with descriptive paragraphs, whereas dialogue and the action that goes with the speech should be one paragraph and then whatever goes on next should be another paragraph.
Example of how it is:
He started to sweat repulsively and said. “What?!? You’re alive?” I stayed sitting up and just stared so confused.
Example of how it should be:
“What? You’re a live?” He said as he begun to sweat.
I stayed sitting up and just stared, so utterly confused.
Sounds better? Right? Plus, did anyone notice something? One of the things I hate? Exaggerated usage of !!??!?!
It drives me crazy, so I corrected it.
I think, if I’m being completely honest, that this story needs to go through some severe editing. The ‘i’s need to be ‘I’s, the present and past tense needs to be sorted out because the author kept switching to and from and the paragraphing needs to be chopped up correctly.
Some of the sentences just don’t seem to flow very well and instead come out jerky and unnatural, rather than feeling like a real person, it’s obvious that it’s just a character in a book and lacks realism.
But if we look away from the obvious bad sides of this story, it has plenty of exciting descriptions and it seems quite eerie in some places. It seems well written in certain areas and other area’s it lacks it entirely.
Out of ten? Three.
YOU ARE READING
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