The princess and her rebel

Chapter10

Clarke's POV: 
Throughout the whole lecture I sat quiet and listened to the teacher. Octavia had switched place with a guy I don't know. She made multiple attempts to talk with me but I told her to be quiet as I were trying to focus on the leacture. After a while Octavia gave up realizing it's no use. I was actually feeling really guilty about the whole thing. After a while she started texting someone on the phone as she tried her best to hide it from the teacher. She's very sneaky. I want to tell her everything but I don't want to be judged. 
When class was over I gathered my things real fast and headed toward the door and out to the hallway. Octavia called my name multiple times. I looked down on the floor ignoring her. I can't describe how quilty I feel right now. 

I actually haven't done something wrong. 

Why am I trying too hard to hide the truth? I'm not ashamed of having my daughter at all. Not in the least. What I am ashamed of is the story behind it all. How intoxicated I was that night and I couldn't find the words and say no. Stupid right? I never wanted to have sex that night. Even if it was with my boyfriend at the time. I'm happy that he's not in the picute anymore and that we broke up. After that night I promised myself to never drink alcohol again. 

Then I bumped into someone. No other than Bellamy Blake. When are eyes met I could tell that he was surprised to see me. I can't blame him though. I did disappear for a good amount of days after all. 
-Clarke. You have no idea who fucking relieved I am to see you back and unharmed. I thought something terrible had happened to you. We have been looking for you like crazy. Octavia is the one who was most hurt. You just took your things and left. No explanation whatsoever. What were you thinking? Bellamy says. I can tell that Bellamy is filled with mixed emotions right now. Going from being relieved and happy to angry.
-Believe me Bellamy when I say this. I really do want to tell you the truth. Please just trust me on this one. When times right, I'll tell you. I say. Bellamy stayed quiet for a long time.

-I do trust you Clarke. I just wish that you trust me enought to tell me what the hell is going on. Bellamy says. I can see the hurt behind his eyes and it pains me deeply. 
-If I told you, you'll would look at me in a diffrent way. I don't know if I would handle it. I tell Bellamy. 
-Clarke, nothing you say can change how I feel about you. I'm your friend and I would never judge you. Bellamy says. 
-Finally you slow down. Octavia says as she stops at us. She looks between Bellamy and I and smirk. The classic Blake smirk. 
-Don't bother her with alot of questions O. Bellamy says and I smile at him. Octavia is about to say something else but she closes her mouth and stays quiet. But not for long though. 
-We're going to have a talk later. Octavia says fast. She gives me a hug before she walks away leaving Bellamy and I alone.  I'm happy that Octavia didn't push me further to tell her the truth about everything. 
-I need to go. I tell Bellamy. 
-Will you come back? Bellamy asks. But his facial expression and his voice I know that he's worried that I will disappear out of the blue again. I don't know what comes over me, but I take two steps closer to him so that we're standing really close to each other and I give him a kiss on the cheek. I don't want to give the wrong signals, which I realized I might just have done. But from my perspective it was to ensure him that I'll be back. 

I take the short drive back to the apartment and knock on the door to the elderly lady at the same apartment building. I got some mexican food with me. I appreciate her for wanting to help me. She easily could have said no. So yeah, I appreciate her help. And I did get a job at the coffee shop not far away from the apartment. Obviously I didn't tell them everything about me. Just that the father is out of the picture and I'm in college. So they are allowing me to have Mallory at the coffee shop when I work as long as she behaves. 
-I brought lunch. I said as I put the bag with food on the table. 
-That's very kind of you Clarke. Miss Davis says. 
-No worries. It's the least I can do since you're babysitting my daughter. 
-She's a good kid. Miss Davis says. 
-Yeah, I just wish I could be a better mother for her. Mallory deserves the world and I can't give her that. 
-You're doing everything you possible can for your daughter Clarke. She will understand when she gets older. Now let's eat before food gets cold. Miss Davis says. 

I get back to class just in time. Once again I had to run. I was almost out of breath when I entered the classroom. Octavia gave me a look mixed between worried and relieved. I feel like an awful friend. After class I talk with Octavia. We don't talk about what's been going on in my life. She knows better now when to push me to tell the truth. For a change it feels nice. Eventually Harper and Raven showed up and they started to talk about everything I've missed. They mentioned the epic party last friday at a frat house. Apparently it didn't end well. The police showed up at the house and it kinda went downhill from there. Murphy who were intoxicated at the time jumped out of a window because he thought the police was after him. Luckily it was only the first floor so he didn't injure himself. Just a few bruises. Raven, who he just started dating, felt really embarsed of her idiotic boyfriend. Raven gave him a lecture about his stupidity. A couple had been caught hooking up in a closet. Let's just say that they didn't show up at school the following monday. I don't blame them. The girl cheated on her boyfriend. Apparently it wasn't the first time. Roma decided on skinny dipping. Which lead to many other people skinny dipped.  I'm happy I wasn't there. 
-Are you moving back to our dormroom? Octavia asked. I was caught of guard by the question.
-Believe me I want to move back. But I can't. You will know why soon. I tell her. 
-Did I do something wrong? Octavia asks. 
-Hell no. You did nothing wrong. It's a bit complicated. I say and take a deep breath. As those words left my mouth I realized one thing, it's not complicated. It really isn't. Things is complicated if you make them out to be. But I can come out with the truth and everything will be easy. I still have to struggle with money and college. But I won't have to live in a lie.
-I need to find Bellamy. I said and walked away before any of them could ask me something. 
When I got to Bellamy's dorm room I knocked on the door. It didn't take many seconds before the door opened and I were greeted by Bellamy.
-Something struck my mind when I talked to your sister not long ago. Life can be hard, complicated, simple. My point is you decide how you want to live. I start of. Bellamy looks confused.
-I don't follow. Bellamy says.
-My life in Washington was totally fucked up. One incident changed mt whole life. I've tried to start over here and make the best life possible for me. One call from my childhood friend changed things. That's why I disappeared. I went back home to Washington. My life before New York, before you and my new life here is nothing you could imagine. I want you to meet someone Bellamy so you can understand it all. I want you to know me and be a part of my life here but also know my past. You mean a lot to me and I trust you. I tell Bellamy.
-Okay, you don't know how much this means to me Clarke. Bellamy says.
-You better keep this a secret. Just for a while. I still have to figure a few things out before others knows. I say.
-My lips a sealed. Bellamy says.
-Just put on a t-shirt before we leave, will you? Your body is distracting. I say and Bellamy smiles.