Supernatural BSM & Preferences

I need help -Dean

Summary- it's late at night, cant sleep, anxiety problems keeping you over thinking everything bout yourself and you feel like you dont feel like you fit in, Dean finds you and you tell him bout your feelings.

Your pov:

It was late at night, I turned over to check the time, 3am, just great....I look over my shoulder to see my handsome boyfriend Dean of 3 years fast asleep, snoring peacefully.

I've had so many terrible thoughts lately I've always wanted to talk to Dean about it like he's told me to whenever I needed someone to talk too, but I didnt want to bother him. Him and Sam are always busy I hate bothering him.

I decided to get myself a drink to help me calm down, I carefully got out of bed and went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of hot tea.

When I was bout half way done with my drink and stuck in my own thoughts when Dean came in the kitchen and startled me a bit.

"Baby" I jump out of my thoughts and looked at him "what are you doing up at almost 4 am?"

I shrugged softly "Couldnt sleep"

He have me the 'really?' glare I sighed softly knowing I'm never gonna get out of this, I pulled at my sleeves a bit cold, mostly I didnt want Dean to see my cuts, he would be so disappointed in me along with Sam

"Baby is anything bothering you?" I shook my head "Are you positive?"

I nodded softly "I promise, if anythings bothering me I'll let you or Sam or Cas know"

He nodded and pecked my lips then kissed my forhead "Come back to bed" I nodded softly and finished my tea before going back to bed with Dean.

~The next day ~

We had just gotten home from another hunt and during the day my anxiety gotten worse making me mess up and get hurt by opening my cuts on my arms, I put some napkins tapped on my arms and wore a hoodie.

I was in the kitchen grabbing a water bottle for myself before heading out for a walk to clear my mind, I was bout to leave when Sam stopped me.

"Oh hey Y/n, have you seen Dean?"

I shook my head "no, sorry, if you guys need me, let me know....I'm going out for a walk, I'll be out for a while"

Sam nodded before leaving the kitchen soon I left the bunker aswell.

After a few hrs of walking I ended up in the woods and sat down against a tree for a bit.

So many thoughts running through my head, I just wanna cry, I always feel like I'm a failure, letting people down, feel like a bother, I blame myself for everything that happens to the Boy's and I, Castiel included.

Ever since the boys saved me from my parents from when they were possessed by demons I was never the same again, I was so close to my parents you wouldn't even imagine, every night I have the same nightmare over and over of them dying, Sam & Dean told me it wasnt my fault, Castiel tells me their happy in heaven and safe aswell.

But I blame myself as a terrible daughter, useless person, I always compare myself to every other girl who are absolutely beautiful, but I'm just me, and I always ask myself why me? Why does everything happen to me? Why did Dean pick me to be his girlfriend, I dont have a sexy body, I screw up almost every hunts, I always put his, Sam's and Castiel lives in danger, I fuck everything up, I just wish for once in my life I can do something right for once.

All of these stress made me end up in tears and I just let everything out, it helped a little bit, but I decided to do something that I promised both the boys and Cas I would never do ever again....cut