I want to let go. I want to forget. I want to love him.
*
For sixteen-year-old Shelby Hastings, life has always been pretty good. She has always been a good girl, organized, a straight A student in school and never gets in trouble. Sounds a bit bori...
It's 11:43 PM and my phone keeps buzzing. Shit! I know it's Toby. I've been watching Shelby sleep for two hours. She looks so peaceful and innocent in her sleep. So beautiful. I hate the fact that I have to leave her now after what she just gave me. Her virginity.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! How could I be so selfish? She deserves better than me.
I get up from her bed to put my clothes back on as quietly as possible. I don't need her to wake up now. Before I go I kiss her cheek, I whisper, "I love you,". I open and close her bedroom door quietly and go down the stairs. The only reason I feel comfortable leaving her in the middle of the night is that I know where the spare key is hidden outside their front porch, so I can lock the front door before I leave.
*
I park my car in front of my house and see the others' cars parked there as well. I shouldn't be surprised to see them home since they've been bugging me to come home all night.
I walk in and turn my head towards our living room and see Toby and Nat sitting on the couch and Ethan on the loveseat. They all turn their heads toward me.
"Is it done?" Toby asks me.
Before I answer him, I take a look at all three of them. How the hell did I get myself involved in all of this? Because that's who you are, Landon fucking O'Mally. I just nod at Toby.
"Good." He nods back. He doesn't expect me to elaborate. That's been our deal from the very beginning back at home. Don't ask any more than necessary. Trust each other to do things right and properly. "There better be no more fucking problems."
"There won't." I snap at him. Nat and Ethan look at each other and then at me. "She's not going to tell anyone. Okay? Trust me."
"Flash doesn't give second chances. You know that. You saw what happened to Malcolm last year for screwing up big time." Toby stands up and walks towards me. "We're brothers, Landon. We look out for each other. Do you think we want to see you get your ass killed?"
I don't answer him. Right now I might as well get killed. For what I've done. For what I've put Shelby through. I deserve it.
Toby walks out of the living room as Nat gets up. "Landon, he's just worried about you. We're all that each other got. We can't afford to lose anyone."
Nat's right. But what they don't have is Shelby. She means more to me. Even if that makes me sick as fuck.
"Right." I walk without another word and march up to my room. I don't shower. I want to keep her smell on me. Hopefully, I'll get some sleep tonight and face the reality of losing Shelby forever if she ever found out. But I'm not going to let that happen.
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