Weirdo (Five x Reader)

Chap 29

A/N: MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING

Y/N's POV
I sat up quickly and breathing rapidly. I slowly calmed my breathing before looking around.
Five's gone.
He left me.
"No, he probably just woke up early..."
I stood up and stretched. I rubbed my eyes and changed into some pants and a long sleeve shirt. I looked over at my closet.
"Shit that's a mess."
I walked over and started cleaning it up when I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in!" I spoke, not looking away from my closet.
"Well good morning sleepyhead."
I turned around to see Five. I smiled, "Morning Five."
He walked in and sat on my bed. I turned around and continued fixing my closet.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"Cleaning my closet. It's still a mess from when I trashed my room."
"Oh"
"Yeah, what's the plan for today?"
"Um, I was planning on getting him in the afternoon. When people go out for walks and stuff."
"That's fair."
We sat in a comfortable silence as I continued to clean my room.
"Y/N?" Five randomly spoke.
"Yeah?"
"When were you going to talk to me about this?"
"About wh-" I cut myself off when I turned around and saw Five with my journal. I nervously swallowed.
"Y/N you told me you were going to talk to me about this stuff. Why didn't you?" Five spoke. He stood up and started to walk over to me.
"Why? You told me you would! Why didn't you tell me how bad it was getting?!" He started to raise his voice. I backed away from him slowly.
Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
"Y/N I can help you! Why can't you just talk to me?! What's so hard about that?!"
He was noticeably getting mad and I looked at the ground.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you, Dammit!"
I looked back up and met his eyes. I felt the wall hit my back, and realized I had backed into it.
"Why?! Answer my questions!" Five yelled at me and walked closer.
I felt my nerves go up and my breathing speed slightly quickened.
What do I say
What do I do
I can't do anything
I'm frozen
What do I tell him??
Five walked up to me and stood directly in front of me. He placed his arms on both sides of my head, Y/N talk to me!" He shouted.
"I-I-I..." I stammered, not knowing what to say.
"You what?! Use your words!"
I swallowed, "I didn't-"
"Don't pull the ignorant card! This is your journal. In your handwriting!"
"It's exaggerated! It's just me venting! Most of it didn't even happen!" I cried out desperately. I just want him to stop being mad at me.
"Bullshit! That's total bullshit Y/N! You know that and yet you continue trying to lie to me! Why?!"
"I-I...I just don't w-want you t-to w-worry..." I stammered out.
"Yeah well you do a shitty job at that! In case you haven't noticed, even before I knew about this, I was worried!"
I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes.
"So what's the real reason?!" He shouted.
I was starting to get mad. I shoved him away from me.
"Don't blame me! It's hard to try and talk to anyone about anything! Especially the ones I care about!"
"That doesn't make any sense!"
"Neither do people! I told you I'm fine!"
"I know you're not! Why are you lying?!"
"Because!"
"Because why?!"
"Because I give people what they want to hear! You want me to be ok! And I'm not! I'm fucking not! Nothing ever seems ok anymore! But it doesn't matter! And it shouldn't matter to you!"
"Why not?!"
"Because! You have an apocalypse to stop! You have things to do with your life! You're too important!"
"No! I'm not too important for you!"
I shook my head, "Shut up! You have things to do! I don't! I have no purpose!"
"Dammit Y/N! How many times to I have to tell you you're meaningful for you to believe it?!"
"I won't! I don't believe lies!"
"I'm not lying Y/N!"
"Shut up! I don't want to hear anything! The book is hyperbole! Leave it at that!"
"Prove it!"
"What?!"
"Let me see your arm!" He yelled at me.
I swallowed. "No."
"Why not?!"
"Because! If you trust me, you'll just leave it be!"
"Y/N that's not fair! I'm just concerned! I care about you! A lot!"
"Stop saying that!" I screamed back. "Get out Five!"
He stood silently before storming out of my room and slamming the door.
I dropped to my knees in the middle of my room, panting.
That's the first time we've fought...
Badly...
We've been in arguments before, but nothing like this...
I felt tears fall down my cheeks. I brought my hands to my face and cried out into them. I grabbed one of my pillows and shoved my face into it. I let out a scream and felt myself flicker. The ground rumbled and I cried out.
You're a terrible person.
I know...
You're sickening
I know...
You're worthless
I know....
Pitiful
I know...
Disgraceful
I know...
Horrible
I know...
Selfish
I know...
Atrocious
I know...
You should die
I know...
Then do something about it.
Ok...
I slowly stood up, feeling numb and walked over to my pile of clothes. I grabbed my knife out of the pile and gripped it tightly. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water, locking the door. I left the water on cold and let it fill about halfway. I climbed in, leaving the water on.
I feel nothing.
I stared at the wall in front of me.
Do it.
Am I sure?
Do it.
What about-
DO. IT.
I sighed and rolled up my sleeve. I ripped off the bandages from before and threw them aside. I took a deep breath and pushed the blade into my skin.
I can't feel it...
I dragged it across my wrist and repeated the action. Speeding up more and more with every cut.
I can't feel it...
I can't feel anything!
I rolled up my other sleeve and repeated the action. My arms were losing blood quickly and I smiled before placing them underwater. The water quickly turned red from my blood and the water level continued to rise as the faucet ran. It started to overflow and slowly seeped out from under the door. I sunk my face under the water as everything started getting blurry. It all started to get dark and I heard the bathroom door be kicked open. I heard noise before everything went black.