Weeds

Weeds - Chapter Nineteen

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I could feel the warm liquid seep out from under my nails as I pushed myself through the busy flow of late night New Yorkers.   

I hated my grandmother and her stupid pride, I hated my mother for being superficial and I hated my self more for caring. 

To anyone who could see me I would appear to be calm and collected but if you looked at how hard I was clenching my hands into fist you would see just how furious I was. It was a bad habit, when I was mad I would dig my nails into my palms so hard they bled, it was so that I would focus on the physical pain and not the emotional. If I could go back to the day I started inflicting physical pain upon myself to stop the emotions in my mind I would have begged myself to stop, because the truth is its addicting.  

I found myself outside of a place where I always seemed to end up, it had been over a month since I had ended right back here. I always ended up here. 

Walking up to the front desk I said my name, I wasn't surprised to find that I was still on the list. The front desk woman gave me my key and I went to the elevator at the very far left. 

I jammed the key into the hole for the thirty first floor and waited for the doors to close. I released my grip and whipped the blood away on my black colored jeans. 

Looking into one of the mirrors that coated the elevator wall I released my hair from its bun, I scuffed it up with my hands giving it volume. I pinched my bare cheeks , giving them color.  

When the elevator came to a halt , I could instantly see three girls in just their under wear dancing around someone I had gotten to know very well over the course of two years. 

Rod Stewarts 'Tonight's the night' played loudly from the speakers and I could feel four sets of eyes staring at me. I marched straight to the guy who was standing in the middle, his perfectly sculpted chest was even better than I could remember. 

"What are you-" He was about to finish the question when I reached him, I grabbed the back of his brown haired head and pulled him into me. He was quick to respond, the kiss was urgent and needy, I can't lie and there were sparks or some incredible attraction because there wasn’t. 

This was what we did, we always did this, we were each distractions. 

His hands gripped my hips and his warm finger tips felt odd on my warm skin, I hated the friction but I made no move to stop him.  

When he broke away from the kiss we were both breathing heavily, and I went straight to my jacket, easily sliding it off.  

He gave a flick of the wrist and the three girls walked elegantly out of the room as if they hadn't just been dismissed.  

When it was just us again I pushed him hard against the red yang sofa, I sat onto of him, straddling him. I smiled ruefully remembering how many times we had been in this position in the past. 

I began kissing along his jaw and he melted into me, I was glad that things were exactly like they were  when I left, nothing had changed. 

- 

Waking up I  looked around the familiar room, the light blues that coated the room gave it a clean and homey feeling. I glanced at the strategically placed clock on the wall in front of me realizing it was late, or early depending on your view of four in the morning. 

I walked over to the dresser in the far left corner digging through the first drawer I grabbed a grey t shirt and boxer shorts. Sliding them on I headed to the en-suit bathroom, I had a bad case of just fucked hair and I attempted to tame it. Deciding to tie it at the top of my head in a messy bun, I grabbed a new tooth brush from under the sink and brushed my teeth.