Pain is Only Temporary, Love is Forvever. (One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 23 - Analyze.

He kissed me. But I asked him to stay with me. He held my hand tight. That was because I also asked him to. He never left. That was because I asked him not to.

But he came back to see me. Which I don’t remember telling him.

I was beyond baffled! Absolutely mystified! What in the name of the great Aristotle am I doing? And more importantly why am I doing this? I once read this psychological book about how we humans think, and how sometimes our heart can beat our brain. It spoke of how impulsive the human mind can be, and how it can desire things because of certain actions, or incidents. Do I feel lonely? No way, definitely not. I have the best friends in the world, and I have an amazing family. I’m not like those types of girls that solely think about having lovers or boyfriends and shit like that. I’m not the type of girl that thinks having a boyfriend is the only thing that can make a girl happy. I’m not that sexual either. I don’t have cravings for physical contact. I’m not desperate to lay my hands on any cute boy I see. What the fuck is going on here? I just lip-locked, tongue tangled, lost breath, made out with a complete stranger to me! Holy shit, what have I put myself into. I am going to analyze. All my years in high school studying science, the most important thing to do is, analyze. I’ve grown so accustomed to it; it has become a habit, or sort of a routine. Lets’ take this back a bit, let’s rewind. I’m going to take myself to that night. The night I thought I was going to die. Just thinking about it, made me feel like I was going to stop breathing in a second. What happened that day was completely mortifying. The things I felt, the antagonism, the antipathy, the rage, the resentment, and most prominently the fear. When I think about that day, I literally take pauses in my mind, so that I don’t burst into tears.

No one will know exactly what happened that day. No one will experience what I experienced that day. There were seven men. One of them was my boyfriend. Whom I trusted. The fact that disappointment can come so easily, saddened me. I have been disappointed quite a lot in my broad life, but not to this level or extreme. Not to the level where someone malignant would wish harmful things towards you. Trying to steal your innocence, beating you, exposing you to strangers, humiliating you, almost killing you, or at least hoping to; that kind of malice. I can’t even describe that fear. If there was a bigger word that could describe what I felt at that moment, scared for my life, then I’d use it. At least then, I knew what I was feeling. I was scared of those men. I was sad because no one was around to help me, I felt helpless, hopeless. I was worried for what my family and friends would have to go through, the grief they’d have to live with if I were dead. I, myself, was heartbroken. I was betrayed by someone I’ve trusted. I was miserable because I never finished my objectives, I never wanted to die like that, but I knew that that wasn’t under my hands. I was too young to die, just at the tip of my life. And in this harsh way, in the cold, with no one I loved by my side, with criminals instead, taking my purity.

Maybe that fury, that terror or even that resentment made me act this way. It doesn’t seem that logical at first, but think about it. The security I feel when I’m in his arms. Those moments we share when thoughts instead of words are heard. When beauty speaks. The way he held my hand. Even when I’m a complete stranger to him; he stayed. He kissed me, knowing me only for a few hours. Listening to my story. Giving me a shoulder to cry on, patting my back, trying to comfort me. Watching me break, but not complaining nor walking away. Wiping my tears away. Telling me that everything was going to be alright, although it wasn’t, but still hoping. His faith and hope. Never leaving me, nor chickening out. And most significantly, thinking about me all the way.

I think that those were the quality’s that were appealing me, attracting me more towards him. Who is this amazing person?  

I was never a true believer in love at first sight, I’ve always thought it was complete bullshit. But one would never know if it were real till they’ve experienced. And I think at this moment, love at first sight is the best explanation to all of this. Like I said before, I’m not superstitious at all, I don’t like basing my life on things other people stated or predicted. But I did believe in fate and destiny. No one knows what god has in mind for you or what or how almighty is planning your future. Maybe this was meant to happen. Am I supposed to fall for him? Uuuuuggggggh, what is happening to me? Why has thinking become such a complicated task? I think I’m going mad! Oh my god. I have to sort out this entire situation.