heavy-hearted | fillie

twelve

flip on the tele, wrestle with jimmy
something is bubbling behind my back
bottle is ready to blow
—————

Sadie walked up the stairs without a thought, wondering why the house was so quiet. Where was Mary and Eric?

She finally entered her room with a sigh, jumping a little once she saw the broken girl sat on her desk chair by the window. As soon as Millie knew Sadie entered, her tears were wiped away quickly as she avoided turning around, she could feel the concern from Sadie's eyeballs burning in the back of her head.

"Sorry, I just didn't want to have dinner with my mother. Here was the only place I really thought of." Her voice was hoarse and rigid, her nose sounded slightly stuffy when she spoke but Sadie nodded her head understandingly. Who knew a few days ago she'd be running here seeking help?

"Sure, that's fine."

Millie nodded, appreciating the fact that she didn't ask the questions Millie knew she was swallowing back.

But the air in the room seemed to thicken and to hitch her breathing that resided in her chest.

"You know what, I shouldn't have came, I'll see you tomorrow." She went to leave, feeling somewhat embarrassed to have came marching in so vulnerable. This girl has seen her like this so many times, Millie hated it. Up to this point, she thought she was doing a good job at hiding her pain but ever since her failed suicide attempt it was like she was spreading it like wildfire.

Sadie stood in front of Millie, restricting her from moving from the chair.

"Listen, you came to my house to get away. That's why I'm here to-to fix you and try to help-"

"I don't - I don't want to be fixed Sadie!" Millie shouted, her face started to swell as tears came out of her eyes like a fully functioning tap at the highest, a hole burned within her chest and her nose tingled from refraining herself from crying.

"I can't walk around with you hanging on to my back acting like I'm a ticking time bomb, it's not fucking humane! I - I feel like I can't breathe I- I don't know what to do anymore, I'm trying to help myself here. Acting like I'm about to break if you looked at me in the wrong way isn't motivating at all, in fact; it's insulting. I had to run over here for help, and ask Finn out of all people. I'm stressed out and I do not want to go back home so would you please just back off and let me think of a solution."

At the end of the day nothing was going to be the same around this girl. She witnessed her trying to take her life, to leave the earth led on her bathroom floor.

Again, Millie backtracked, still wishing they didn't walk through the door that day in the first place.

"Then, have a sleepover at my place. Make an effort to be my friend, then you won't feel like I'm doing a public service." Millie thought for a second, she was right. Maybe it was because her completely stubborn attitude that wouldn't dare to differ around other people, maybe this was the thing she needed to work on.

"Please." Sadie begged with her doe eyes staring directly into Millie's.

Millie could use the time away from her home, she always felt silent and sad in the house and right now that feeling was within her veins and she really needed a break from that feeling that felt like she was drowning with heavy weights on her feet, pulling her to the floor.