Mute(D) ; [BOOK 1]

Chapter 4 - Backing Away

Hi everyone ! This is the co-writer speaking(: My name is Carolyn and I'm SO happy to be writing for you guys ! Anywhoree I'm just gonna let you know that I am so honored to be doing this, I love this girls stories (: But now back to the story.

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I honestly cant believe what just happened in there. What is wrong with Ray's mother? I'm so scared to even be around him anymore, I don't want to cause trouble. I pull Ray over and let him know I have to go, even though I really didn't. I have nowhere to be, but I know I cant be here.

I get in my car and start crying silent tears, Ray is the first person I was starting to open up to, now I have to close the door. I touch my cheek again and it hurts more now then before. I drive off back to my house crying, hot tears touching my cheek making it ache even more. I want to scream out, but of course I cant. I pull up to my house and run inside straight up to my room. I look at my cheek and its begun to swell up. I flop on my bed and put a warm rag on my cheek and drift off to sleep

NEXT DAY

Ive made a big decision in the past few hours, Ive decided not to have any contact with Ray anymore. His mother is crazy and I don't want to deal with the pain she caused me yesterday.

Yes it hurts my aching heart to say that but I was doing fine before I met him. He made me show feelings, he made me feel happy; a feeling that was extinct to me at a point in time. I take a shower, being sure to clean my cheek really well. The swelling has gone down, but the memory of the pain is still there.

Isn't that the whole reason why I am what I am today? A memory of an event that brought so much heart-ache and pain? No. The reason I am this way is for someone who I love deeply. I will remain this way for them. Stupid Ray making me mouth ! No I'm not supposed to say a word, and to me mouthing words is just like saying them.

That's part of the reason why I have decided to not talk to Ray.

{A/N: I don't know if its a school day, but I'm making it one, lol} I go to my closet and decide to wear my cheetah print leggings, a black tank with a black blazer and my black chucks. I leave my hair as is, I'm not even in the mood to fool with it. How am I gonna tell Ray? I feel this is one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do.

I head downstairs and out the house without acknowledging anyone, I was in deep thought about how I was going to tell Ray. I head to my car and drive to school, its too quiet in the car so I turn on the radio. Blaring through my speakers is 'Say Goodbye' by Chris brown. Well perfect song huh? I grip the steering wheel so tight my hands start to burn, I don't want to cry. I cant cry, crying makes me want to yell, scream, but I cant do that. I cant talk, I cant make sounds, I cant voice how I feel; its like I cant express my emotions.

I pull into the student parking lot and head into school, my mission is to find Ray. I don't want to go all day with him thinking everything is good. I feel so bad for doing this, Ray needs someone, but I cant be that person for him. I just....cant. I spot his two braids and immediately head towards him He starts walking away and I mouth "RAY! RAY STOP!" but of course, he cant hear me.

I run towards him and catch hold of his braids. He turns around and looks pissed off, his face is kinda cu- WAIT ! I will not finish that ! He smiles at me and I pull him to an abandoned hallway and sit on a step, I pat the spot next to me and he quickly sits down. Now or never right?

"So whats up?" He asked, looking nervous, that face is cu- UGHH I NEED TO STOP !

"Ray, I need to tell you something."  I mouth to him

"What is it?"

"I..I..we cant talk anymore, I'm sorry."

"What do you mean?" He stares right into my eyes with hurt and confusion and I feel my heart burst open, I cant believe I'm doing this.

"Ray... please..... please don't question me. Just know that I'm so sorry about this, I wish we could still hangout, because you are great...But we... I just cant." I get up to walk away when he pulls me back towards his warm body.

"Speak if you want me to stop."

Before I knew it he was leaning in, I was too. I mean its not like I could protest against it, I cant talk ! Plus I wanted this as well. Maybe this will be closure, like ending everything that we ever started. My thoughts were interrupted when his lips touched mine. I was in pure bliss, this felt so right, so fantastic, so amazing.

Yet it was something I would have to let go.

I pulled away from Ray and mouthed "Goodbye" then ran to class.

I miss him already...

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Well did I do a good job?? I hope I did, co-writing for her is filling some pretty big shoes, all her stories are great. You can also check me out on here 'SnapBacksBacks'. I'm letting you know I will put the same dedication into this story just like I do my other ones. So I hope you liked, I know I'm not the greatest, but hopefully im good(:

-Carolyn