Mindless Short Stories

The Break-Up

Prince: *comes down the stairs* has anyone seen my poptart
EJ: *stops eating* this was yours?
Prince: 😳 YOU LITTLE BLACK BASTARD *takes off his shoe and tries to run towards EJ but Ray breaks them up*
Prince: Ray, let me go so I can beat his ass and buy me some more poptarts.
EJ: yeah Ray, move out the way so he can beat my ass and buy him some more poptarts.
Roc: yeah! *sits down with a bag of popcorn* you always ruining stuff Ray.
Ray: I was trying to help you out EJ
EJ: I've learned from experience that if Prince wants to beat you, he's going to. Sooner or Later and I rather have it sooner cause if he dwells on the fact,I will be beaten with the vengeance of 12 fat girls who recently got their TWIX bars tooken away.
Roc: HE HAS A POINT *eats popcorn*
Ray: you guys are so rude to each other! I don't want to be in a group full of rude people.... I'm out! *starts to pick up his stuff*
Roc: *gets up* where the hell you going
Ray: I'm leaving MB!
EJ: no the fuck you ain't
Prince: leave.
EJ: *looks at Prince with shock* why do you say that Prince!?
Prince: y'all act like he ain't gone come back. He say this every month, "I'm leaving MB" all he does is gather the keys to my car and his bag and leave. He say that shit over everything. He tried to leave because the sun was shining "incorrectly" , he just on his period. *waves at Ray* BYEEEE HAVE A FUN TIMEEEEE AT WALGREENS BUYING PADSSSSS , bitch
Ray: IM NOT ON MY MAN PERIOD 😡 WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS SAY THAT, JUST CAUSE I GET MAD ON SPECIFIC DAYS OF A MONTH, DOESNT MEAN IM ON MY MAN PERIOD, FUCK YALL , FUCK THIS HOUSE, FUCK YOUR CAR, FUCK THIS, FUCK THAT , FUCK THE SHOES WITH THE LITTLE BELL ON IT, I JUST WANT TO BE LOVEEDDDDD 😭😭 *falls on the floor* IM DYING MY STOMACH, IT HURTS , SHIT 😭😡 IM TIRED. IM HUNGRY, ROC BUY ME A RABBIT NAMED TURTLE
Roc: but it's 11 PM...
Ray: GET ME A FUCKING BUNNY
Roc: WHERE AM I GOING TO GET IT!? The all night bunny store, the hell!?
Prince: OMG they have one of those!? I'm going to get a bunny and name him 'Not A Bunny'
EJ: LISTEN GUYS, Ray is obviously on his Man-strual cycle. We gotta help him.
Prince: HELL NO , he didn't help me last week when I was on mine, my hormones was just crazy, I was humping trees and I'm pretty sure I got one pregnant. She calling me saying there's a bush that looks exactly like me and nope, I ain't going
Roc: yeah, he didn't help us when we were going thru the hormones, I yelled at people because a sock was on the ground and none of y'all bitches helped me then.
EJ: we're going to help him ok!?
Prince: I'll only help him if I get paid
EJ: how much?
Prince: your life.
EJ: OMG, YOU GUYS ARE SO DIFFICULT
Prince: your on your man period too!? Damn, they were right, if you hang around your friends for a long time, you have it around the same time.
EJ: I've never had one of those before tho..
Prince: oh yeah, I forgot you were a youngin and you just hopped out your mothers vagina. Yours balls ain't drop yet so that's why ain't have a man period, it's ok, you'll be a man someday.
EJ:😑 let's pick him up and put him on the couch
Prince: WHAT!? IM NOT LIFTING HIS FAT ASS, IM NOT BREAKING MY BACK AND ASS BONE TRYING TO LIFT HIS HEAVY ASS
EJ: come on Prince !!
Prince: naw, y'all can lift him, while I supervise , *sits down and watches*
EJ: 😑 come on roc *roc and EJ picks up Ray and throws him on the couch*
Roc: DAMN NIGGA YOU BOUT FAT AS HELL
Ray: so you're calling me fat!?
Roc: yes bitch!
Ray: IM NOT FAT IM HEALTHY , YOU WONT UNDERSTAND CAUSE YOU WORK YOURSELF LIKE A DOG TRYING TO GET FIT, TRYING TO GET ABS THAT YOU DONT NEED AND THATS OK CAUSE I LIKE TACOS AND ITS UNFAIR THAT IM HEAVY CAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID I WAS A PANDA HAT 😭😭
Prince: see, he speaking gibberish.
Ray: GIBBERISH!? YOUR ALBUM IS GIBBERISH !
Prince: my album is your albums
Ray: oh yeah.... YOUR FACE IS GIBBERISH
Prince: he working my nerves already, I'm 80 shades of done with him *picks up his keys and tries to leave *
EJ: NO PRINCE, your grounded remember!
Prince: what for!?
EJ: you made that sex tape with 12 girls 2 nights ago and you were high, trying to upload it to PornHub..
Prince: oh yeahhhh......
EJ: you gotta stay here!
Prince: UGHHH *throws keys*
Ray: WHY IS THAT SOCK ON THE GROUND
Roc: what sock
Ray: THAT RIGHT THERE, THAT DIRTY SOCK *points *
Roc: you mean EJ?
Ray: YUP RIGHT THERE, THAT DIRTY SOCK, KILL IT
Prince: *pulls knife out of hair* don't have to tell me 2wice
EJ: GUYS CHILL , let's just get Ray some food,
*Roc, Prince, & EJ go to the kitchen and make Ray some soup*
Roc: *hands Ray the soup* here Ray
Ray: what is this 😪
Roc: soup
Ray: what type of soup?
*roc goes back in the kitchen *
Roc: what type of soup is Ray eating
Prince: oh hell no, he ain't finna be picky today *goes in there with Ray* excuse me sir, it's food, eat it
Ray: what type of food
Prince: editable food
Ray: what type of editable food
Prince: good editable food.
Ray: what type of good editable food
*Prince starts choking Ray with a pillow*
Prince: GO TO SLEEPPPP, GO TO SLEEEPPPP BEFORE I ACTUALLY KILL YOUUUUU
EJ: *runs into the room* PRINCE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
Prince: nothing.
EJ: REMOVE THE PILLOW OFF OF RAY's FACE
Prince: *moves the pillow*
Ray: *gasps for air* 😭😭 YALL WANT ME DEAD CAUSE IM PREGNANT WITH TRUCK BURGER
Prince: I'm done with him
EJ: let's just chill

After 3 Hours...

Roc: this is actually fun, we should do community service
Prince: I don't like community service
Roc: why?
Prince: community service is a fancy word for 'working for free' made up by the rich man because the name 'hard work , unpaid labor ' would be hard with the publicists. I don't work for free, I don't even breathe for free. Working for free makes me feel like a slave, and my name is not Django
EJ: *wakes up from a small nap*
Prince: hey bro how you sleep?
EJ: I'm tired, I'm hungry, I gotta pee but The sky is purple and I like blue WHY COULDNT THE MONKEY BE GREEN 😭 I HATE MONKEYS , elephants can fly and I can't so imma die and eat captain crunch 😭
Prince & Roc: oh hell naw.