Mindless Short Stories

Guy Code 1

On this episode of Guy Code, when it's 10 o'clock at night and Pornhub's videos are looking pretty good, you know what's happening next. Dim your lights and close your drapes cause you're going steady with your hand. It's all about masturbation. We are also talking about pregnancy scares, couples and their arguments and STDs. It's Guy Code.

Topic: Masturbation
Ray: Masturbation is the key to life like its a major key. A lot of stuff wouldn't have gotten done in the world if masturbation wasn't a thing like, would you think Thomas Edison would have made the lightbulb if masturbation wasn't a thing? We all know he didn't get no pussy so if it wasn't for his good ole right hand , we would be relying on rubbing sticks together to create fire so we can write on our stone tablets cause the dude who made the paper and pencil a thing wouldn't have done that cause I'm pretty sure he didn't get pussy either so like masturbation is a major key and I'm here for it

EJ: Masturbation is probably the coolest grossest thing you could admit to like if you aren't horny, then the thought of it is disgusting. I personally don't do it cause I feel like God is watching and once I die, he would bring it up and I don't want a black lady with big titties who's getting gang banged on a slide at a children's park to be the reason why I'm in hell when I wasn't even apart of it, I'm watching it through Pornhub and shit, it's bullshit.

Prince: I don't masturbate cause I get bitches like let that be known, I got hoes so that don't bother me. I don't do that shit.

Producer: Come on, you know you have masturbated one time in your life

Prince: Oh no, I know better. I know the consequences of masturbation. For example, look at Prod. He's a prime example of a consequence of masturbation. He probably does it everyday cause his left arm looks stronger than his right. He looks like a mess and I'm pretty sure that's the reason why his hairline starts in the middle of his head. And I don't want it.

Roc: I used to masturbate but I used to miscalculate and it would get on the dog or something like do you know how hard it is to wash cum off a pit bull?

Mike: I think it's just apart of life

Prince: Mike looks like if he came, Johnson's baby powder would come out cause he's so dusty.

Topic: Pregnancy Scares
Prince: Pregnancy scares are the worse, I'm assuming cause it never happens to me

Ray: Really?

Prince: yeah I'm not stupid, just like how Beyonce carries hot sauce in her bag, Nigga I carry Magnums everyday, all day. On the weekdays, I either carry them in my hair or in my sock. On Saturdays, I carry them in my bag cause I'm searching for pussy and usually I have my handy dandy backpack, ya feel me?

The Boys: mhm

Prince: and on Sunday, a nigga carry some condoms in his bible case just in case one of them nuns want to get a little nasty, ya feel me? Like Im always prepared cause I'm not ready to have little demon spawns yet.

Roc: It always happens to me, shit feels horrible

Prince: cause obviously you don't believe in condoms and you always fucking Desiree.

Roc: what does Desiree got to do with the pregnancy scares?

EJ: Desiree is baby magnet, you could cum on her face and she end up pregnant.