Fighting For Freedom

Chapter Nine

Jessie

I got up and walked over to where she sat and stood directly in front of her. She looked up at me with a confused look. I didn't say anything, I just held out my hand, hoping she would take it. When she did, I pulled her up and instantly took her in my arms. I didn't really have any idea what I was doing but it just felt right. I felt calm and safe and I hoped that I could make her feel the same way. After a few seconds, she pulled away just enough so that she could look me in the eyes and I saw that she now had tears streaming down her cheeks. I didn't know what to do or say. So, I simply wiped her tears away with my thumb while staring deep into her eyes.

When I did find my voice, I tried to calm her. "Shh, doc it's ok. Whatever it is, it's ok."

She finally broke her silence saying, through her tears, "No, Jessie it's not ok! It is all my fault! I'm so sorry, I never should have left. Everything you have been through is all my fault. I should have been there to protect you and Cameron!" Then she broke down again, only this time sobbing uncontrollably, and I didn't know what to do. I had no clue what she was talking about and right now I didn't care. I didn't like seeing her upset like this! I can't just stand here and do nothing. I pulled her into a tight embrace and just held her while she cried.

All I could think about in this moment is that having her in my arms felt right. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt like this is where I was supposed to be! I didn't care about age or what other people would think, I just wanted to have her in my arms, forever. As she seemed to get control of her emotions, I loosened my grip enough so that I could look into her beautiful brown eyes. As I looked at her, she no longer looked like the strong, confident doctor that I knew. She looked beaten and broken and I couldn't take it!

I slowly closed the distance between us, until our foreheads met and said the one thing that I had been trying not to, "I know there are so many reasons against us but right now the only thing I can think about is you. In fact, ever since I woke up in your hospital that day, the only thing I think about is you. I have never felt this way and I can't control it and it scares me more than anything you have told me or still have to tell me. I don't know what happened back then but from what I know about you, there is no possible way that it was your fault. The only person responsible is Malachi and him alone. Whatever story you need to tell me can wait, right now all I want to do is be here with you and do this..." I quickly finish closing the space between us before she can say anything to make me lose my nerve, I press my lips to hers. The kiss is gentle and full of all the emotions I have been feeling these last few weeks. In this kiss I hope to convince the doc of so many things; it wasn't her fault what happened to me, I truly care for her and right now I hope to show her how much and finally, everything will work out somehow.

I move my tongue across her lips slowly asking for permission to deepen the kiss but I'm terrified that she is going to pull away. I had a million thoughts running through by head but the only thing that mattered in this moment was us, right here right now. She slowly opened up and allowed me in and she returned the kiss with what I could only describe as a want or need. It was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced in my life. The electrical shock that I felt every time we touched, was magnified tenfold. As quickly as it started it ended.

She did exactly what I expected her to but hoped she wouldn't. She pulled away! I looked at her and could see her shutting down her emotions just like she did at the hospital the day she took out my stitches. I couldn't take it. I quickly pulled away from her grasp and ran for the door. I couldn't stay here any longer, I couldn't breathe. I was going to lose it and I didn't want anyone to see me as weak. If you are weak you will lose, if you lose you most likely die. I wish I had just died in the ring! At least then I would never have had to feel these emotions. I reached for the door but somehow, she got there first. She was between me and my freedom. I was feeling so many different things right now, I didn't know what to do. I was embarrassed that she had pulled away and angry because I had let her become my weakness. There were just too many emotions flooding through me at once and I didn't want to show weakness to anyone, especially not her.