Hold Me (Urban)

Feelings

Ok y'all don't have to entertain me but......... I done caught feelings for a nigga!!

I honestly have never loved any one of my boyfriends.

I have a "I really don't give a fuck mentality".

My friends think I should treat a boyfriend like they is special, but I think that these nigga is all the same. Ain't shit special bout these niggas.

But anyways I was at my friends crib and me n my current boyfriend where texting and he said something to me and I got a little sad. Not gone lie.

But I told him I was about to cry. And he's like no you not, for what. So I said because I don't think you care about me. Mind y'all I was just playing.

But he said "No u don't feel like that," and I said "Yes I really do," he just said. "Aw that's fucked up".

Next thing I know my fucking eyes are watering. I was like what the fuck!

I walked to the bathroom and I cried kind of hard. I'm just like why am I crying?

I hate crying it's fucking irritating. Last time I really cried was when my Daddy died, and that was on June 7th of this year.

So I wipe my eyes and try n make it seem like I wasn't crying, then went to the couch and sat back down.

Dee dee, that bitch, she gone come sit by me and look at me bein observant and shit. She was like why you look like you been crying? I'm like I don't know.

She said yes you have been crying. I got up because I had started to cry again. She said Nah fuck that I'm followin yo ass.

So when we got to the room she ask," Why you crying?"

I just told her what happened, and that bitch started smiling. Like the fucking Kool-aid man.

Then she went on to say," I know you like him because you crying over him. Out of the 3 years I've known you you only cried once, and that was about your dad. I honestly thought you had no feeling for anybody but me, Domo, Xakilah, LaKiima, and Chris. It's so nice to see you cry about someone."

I just kept shaking my head and crying. I wasn't going for that shit. I don't have feeling for this nigga.

But then she broke it down for me.

I realized that I got love for him. Everything he do got me feeling some type if way like Rich Homie Quan, aye shout out to that skinny nigga. When I think about him I roll my eyes and smile. When he make me mad I get over it fast. I get jealous, which I NEVER EVER do.

Like my last boyfriend cheated on me and broke up with me and I didn't even care, we still friends ta this day. I argue with him and curse him out, I never do that either. I just have never cared enough to carry on with an argument.

After that I didn't want to talk to him. He had text me again because I read the message and didn't reply, all while I had a little melt down. He wanted to talk but I didn't. I went to sleep after talking to Dee Dee.

Ok now the other day he told me he loved me.

I was making pork chops at Dee Dee house. But before I cooked we went to the store and bought food and he told me he hated me. I cussed him out for that

But when we got home He was like," Bae." I'm like," Yes? (He don't like when I say what to him)"

But then he said," I love you🙀" just like that.

I stopped cooking and just kept saying fuck fuck fuck.

Because I didn't know for sure if I loved him.

So I asked," Are you serious bae" then he asked if I loved him back. I was honest and said," I don't know, but I think I do."

He said," what you mean you think?" so i said," I don't know because I have never been in love before."

He said he understood then I asked him if he has ever been in love and guess what this nigga said, just guess what he said y'all!!!

He said," I am now."

OMFG I liked to cried all over those pork chops. It was so freaking cute.

I told him I would talk to him later and 4 hours later I had texted him. All those hours I had I thought if I really did love him and I do love him.

Because that's my Lil Daddy and I love him. (Inside joke. Nothing weird)

So I told him I loved him. And that's it.

A bitch done slipped into some fucking deep ass love type feelings.

Wait do anybody else ever face they phone down when they hear feet by they door and act sleep? I asked because it happened while I was writing this. My big brother be tryna aggravate me in the middle of the night if he know I'm woke.

But I told my story. It was on my mind because my baby just made me mad and I'm not talking to him but I'm always thinking bout his slow ass.

If you read this thanks for letting me vent and express my feelings. Y'all the real MVP's and I love y'all too.

Comment I wanna hear what y'all gotta say.

Love, Lil mama💋