♛ I Will Not Die ♛

Chapter 8- A Gift from the Mother Mercy

I wake up in a cold sweat. Tossing and turning. I feel a churning in my stomach.
I jump up from my bed and run to my chamber pot. I start throwing up profusely. I feel like it will never stop. But finally it does. I sit on the floor and lean against the tub. I hold my stomach. It still hurts. And do does my lower abdomen. Like I am having my red flower but that is impossible. I'm not supposed to have it for a while now.

I stand up and put on a robe to cover my night dress. I hold my stomach all the way out of the room. I walk down the hall to find my mothers room. I knock quickly. No answer. "Mother Please wake up!" I groan out. I hear shuffling and the door finally opens. My mother stands in a hastily put on night gown. Her hair is messed up and she is sweating. I see my uncle Jaime sitting on the bed. He's not wearing his guard outfit but light day clothes. It's weird to see him that way.

"What is it Aella? You look horrible. Are you alright," I shake my head and the word spins.

"I. I don't know what's going on," I mutter. I put my hand on the door and she holds my stomach to keep me up. I yelp and start to crumble. Jaime is there in seconds. Picking me up into his arms as my mother screams and panics.

"Put her down on the bed!" She yells at him. "Maester! I need the Maester! Guard!" She points to a guard manning the hall who approaches quickly. "Go get Maester Pycelle! And be quick about it!" Her voice starts to drown out as Jaime pulls me away and lays me on the bed.

"You're okay Aella. Breathe. You're okay." He says. He puts his hand on my head and moves my hair out of my face. "She feels feverish Cerci." He calls her her she rushes over and sits next to me on the bed. She touches my face carefully and I see tears in her eyes. My vision wavers but I can still She the fear and pain. She leans down and kisses my head.

"My baby. My oldest girl. Stay awake. You're fine. The Maester will be here soon." She turns her head and screams angrily into the hallway. I struggle to hold my heavy lids open. I'm okay. I try to tell her to reassure her. But I can't manage to say a word. The last thing I hear before I pass out is Jaime calming her and pulling her away as she screams for me.

I wake up in my own bed. I feel significantly better but I feel a wetness in between my legs. I sit up and move my covers. Blood.

"It's not your flower darling." I hear my mother from the side of the room. She walks to me and sits on the edge of the bed. She puts a hand to the side of my face. "Your fever is gone. Thank the gods for that."

"What happened? How long has it been." I ask. I can't remember anything since passing out in her room.

"Only a few days my child. You gave us quite a scare. A fever. A horrible fever. Or at least that's what everyone else believes." She looks at me with pity. She leans in and kisses my forehead softly. "When I was pregnant for the first time... my child didn't make it. It died in my womb..."

"What does this have to do with anything?" I spit out. I hold my legs against my chest and look down at the blood on my sheets. She puts her hand my knees and stares me in the eye.

"You should have told me. We could have gotten rid of it in a safer way for your body. You could have died. I promise I would not have asked questions."

"I'm pregnant?"

"No. My sweet child. You were pregnant." I feel tears in my eyes. Jon. I had a little Jon. And now. Now it's gone. "I do not blame you for crying. A mother will always love her children. But this is not a good time for you to have one. This is a gift from mother mercy. This child would not have serviced dead. Winter is coming and so is war. I feel it brewing. You must as well."

"I don't understand," I choke out. "I didn't even know. How could this have happened." She looks at me in confusion.

"Joff told me that you told him. And that you two came up with a plan to get rid of it before you started to show..." she looks down. "I understand now... little dove." She kisses my forehead and stands up off my bed.

"He's a monster. You know it. And you just sit here and let him do as he pleases!" I cry out. I rock a little with the tears. "He lies to you! He told you he helped me but he lied! He killed my child! He killed my child before I even had the chance to know I had one." I weep, holding my head in my hands.

"Don't speak of your brother that way..." she turns away from me so she doesn't have to see me cry. In response I cry louder. She walks to the door and holds her hand against it. "A maid will be here soon to clean you up. You have a council meeting today. You must prepare. You can't act like this then."

"Leave," She turns to me. Pained eyes. Pleading for forgiveness. But she has too much pride to ask for it. "LEAVE!" I yell out. My tears stop and I can only produce weak sobs. She opens the door and leaves. I get off my bed and grab a knife sitting on the table. I stab at the red spot on my bed. Over. And over. And over again. Till fluff is all that's left of the spot. I rip off my clothes and find a candle. I sit next to the clothes. Naked and shivering. Before I can light them I hear my door open.

"Princess!" Rae yells. She rushes to me and grabs the knife and candle away from me. "Princess. Please," she pushes the clothes back and wraps her arms around my small bruised body. I lean against her and let my sobs cease. "Everything is okay. You are safe and healthy."

"I am not safe." I growl. "I will never be. I will ever be safe with him around. I want him dead Rae. I. Want. Him. Gone."

"Princess please don't talk that way." She begs of me. She grabs my robe and wraps it around my body. "We will get through this I promise you. You will be fine. You'll see." She holds me tightly and brushes back my hair. After a long time of sitting that way I take a deep breathe and pull away. I stand up tall.

"Prepare a bath." I say emotionlessly. "I have a council meeting to attend to."