THE FORGOTTEN SMILE

14.

Too dead to die

***

P.O.V Maddie
I let loose of the knife and it fell on the ground making a loud noise.

'you what' I said breathlessly

'I love you Maddie. I don't know what I'll do if you'd kill yourself' he said as he moved closer to me.

The only thing that I could do is stare at his face. Only when he was really close to me I blinked and stared at my hands that were still in the same place.

Then Dylan pulled me closer to him and hugged me.

I started to cry, no sob.

'fuck Maddie' he said when he put his head in my shoulder

'I'm sorry' I was able to say 'I'm so sorry'

Suddenly all my thoughts went away and I realized what I was doing. Did I just almost killed myself?

'sssh' Dylan hummed slowly.

This whole time it kind of felt like I was on drugs. Right now I just can't imagine killing myself

'what is this' We both heard an emotional voice.

'mom' Dylan let me loose. We turner around to see Nina stare at the bloody knife on the ground

'oh sweetheart' she dropped her bag and hugged me

'what happened' Marc asked

'she tried to commit suicide' Dylan whispered

'oh son' he pulled Dylan into a hug

'why did you do that' Nina asked when she let me loose and grabbed my face

'because I don't deserve you' I whispered

'oh little girl, you deserve the world' Marc said and he pulled me in a hug ass well.

'You both, just go to the living room' Marc said when he let me loose

Dylan and I went to the living room and sat down

'fuck' Dylan said after a while of the both of us just staring at nothing. He leaned his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands

'I'm sorry' I whispered

'no' he turned towards me and only now I saw that he was crying

'oh Dylan' I started to cry even more and pulled him in a hug

'I'm so so sorry'

'No don't be' he whispered back.

'Here' Nina said as I let Dylan loose.

'Coffee, the way you like it' she gives me a cup and I see that it is caramel cappuccino

'Thank you' I say and I start drinking

'Sweetheart' Nina begins after a while 'you don't have to tell me now, just when you're ready but why did you want to do it' She asks and Marc sits down next to Nina on the couch on the other side of the table

'Well' I sight. I have to tell them, they need to know.

'I have a depression' I say slowly because this is something I have never said. Again I knew it but I never really said it.

'and with that comes a little devil o your shoulders that tells you everything you do is wrong. And when I went to school after I broke my ankle there where rumors. And one rumor got stuck in my head and it just kept repeating and repeating. Until I just couldn't stand it anymore and then I just kind of decided to do the thing I thought was right'