My thoughts are more deadly than a gun will ever be
***
P.O.V Maddie
'I want to kill myself'
It's weird, I've know it for a year now but now that I've actually said it. It's so permanent.
The last 2 weeks I've completely ignored Dylan. At the house I never said anything, only things like 'okay' or 'thank you'. The ride to school was awkward, most of the time Dylan just looked straight out of the window and so did I.
It's Friday and the only thing on my mind was my suicide plan.
Yes I'm going to kill myself.
Why? You ask. Because no one will care, the only thing I kind of feel bad for is Nina and Marc. They have been very polite and I don't deserve them. Plus I know they don't want me because Dylan told me they go on a lot of business trips and they haven't been on one since I moved in.
And Dylan? Well he won't care. I'm just one of the girls he wants to fuck. And if there is one less he will always find someone new. I mean with his looks and especially his eyes, he can get every girl.
My plan is that I will kill myself today, I'll slice my wrists.
Dylan is away with his friends to some party and Nina and Marc are out for diner. They asked me to come with but I said I wanted them to have some time for themselves.
I stood up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. In the last week I finally found my way in this huge house.
I opened the drawer and stared at the knives.
Will I take the big or the small one, which one will kill me quickly.
I took a Chef's knife. I put it in my back pocket and hopped to the bathroom.
When I was there for a second I doubted if I should slice my wrists or if I should take pills. But the knife seemed faster.
I stood in front of the mirror.
See, no one cares about you. No one will be hurt if you just disappeared.
There it was again. The suicide thought.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't have any make up on, my ponytail was crocked and I had dark circles under my eyes.
I let out shivering breath.
See, no one cares about you. No one will be hurt if you just disappeared.
See, no one cares about you. No one will be hurt if you just disappeared.
See, no one cares about you. No one will be hurt if you just disappeared.
I kept repeating that. I raised both my sleeves and looked at the cuts. Maybe there where 50, 100. And I don't regret any of them, I deserve all of them.
I deserve to die.
With my eyes closed I put the knife to my skin.
Do it fast, slice and sit down.
Again I let out a deep breath, I was about to push but then
'MADDIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING'
I jumped and made a small cut in my arm. I turned to see Dylan standing there with a hurt look in his eyes
'Dylan, go away' I said dead serious.
'no Maddie, what are you doing' he looked at the knife in my hand.
'do you want to kill yourself?' a single tear felt down his eye
Of cut the crap Dylan, you don't give a single fuck
I closed my eyes.
'Maddie answer me' he said with a shivering voice
'yes' I whispered
'why' was his only response
Seriously, Dylan, why?
'because' I opened my eyes and Dylan still stood in the same place. Door half open and his hands clamping to the door knob.
'don't say because no one cares because-' he started
'YES Dylan' I cut him off 'because no one cares, they don't care if I'm abused so why would they care if I killed myself' tears started to fall down my eyes
'Maddie, I care' Dylan laid his hand on his heart
'oh cut the crap Dylan' I scoffed
'this is no-'
'DYLAN FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE JUST LITSEN' I screamed, Dylan looked at me with scared eyes.
'you don't care, you only started to talk to me because you that that I was easy to get. You stopped that night because you thought you could get my easier. You took me in your house because it would destroy your reputation if you let me go to a foster home or whatever. And you only act like you care because your parents want you to' I cried
'Maddie stop' he said when the knife touched my skin again
'tell me why' I cried 'tell me why because no one will care if I would just slice my fucking arm. And don't say that you care because you know damn well that what I just said is fucking true.'
Dylan just stared at me
'TELL ME WHY' I screamed
'because' he whispered
'because what' I was breathing heavily because my anger rushed everywhere.
'BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU'
YOU ARE READING
THE FORGOTTEN SMILE
RomanceTHE FORGOTTEN SMILE AN: this book is crap. Honestly. I wrote it like years ago. The trope is shit and the spelling is even worse. Don't read it or at least, don't expect much :) ------------ While she forgot how to smile He was planning to teach he...
