Chapter 45
Jillian’s POV
Nanginginig ako habang tumatakbo palayo. Nanghihina na rin ang mga tuhod ko at tila ba hihimatayin ako anumang oras.
Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako napadpad. I felt as though I was being tortured, so I just ran off. To hear those words from him is unbearable.
Though, I can’t blame him for that. But I can’t stand to see him bruised and scarred because of my fault.
Kanina, naduwag na naman ako. I am too weak for the both of us.
He is my strength, so how can I stand strong when he is torn apart? How can I pick up the pieces when I was the one who broke them?
Nang hindi ko na kaya pang humakbang, umupo ako sa bench na nandito sa gilid. I seriously don’t know where I am. Everything has been a blur a while ago. I just ran and found myself crying in here.
I sat and wallowed. Kanina pa ako umiiyak, pakiramdam ko tuloy fountain ako na nagpapanggap na tao. Gusto ko namang tumigil na, kaso ang sakit talaga.
Sabi sa akin noon ni Nick, lahat tayo ay may kakayahan na manakit ng tao. He said that the person we love is the same person who can hurt us the most.
Kung paano natin sila kayang buuin, ganoon din natin sila kayang durugin. Pero kung alam naman natin na kaya natin silang saktan, bakit pa natin ginagawa? If we could spare them from the hurting, why do we keep on dragging them instead?
I looked around and checked the environment, its ambiance is kind of soothing but . . . where in the world am I? There were trees behind me. It’s a long, barren road. I could barely see its horizon.
I want to reach it to escape from this situation. I want to run away and hide but it would take forever for me to do that. I want to forget everything that had happened. I want to undo what I’ve done . . . but what’s the point?
All I have is now. And it sucks because I could have done what is right but I chose to be wrong. Nick was right; everything we do is a choice. I had mine, I regret it, though.
I exhaled an exhausted sigh. Dito muna ako. Malayo sa kanila. Gusto ko munang magmuni-muni.
Napahinto ako nang mapagtanto ko na wala na ang bag ko. Mukhang naiwan ko pa yata kung saan. Wala na kasi ako sa ulirat kaya hindi ko na namamalayan ang mga bagay bagay sa paligid ko.
Sa sobrang disappointed ko, nag-settle ako sa pagpe-facebook. I opened the mobile data and checked Cyrus’ facebook account. He didn’t change his profile picture. Napangiti ako dahil doon. Hindi din naman niya ugali ang magpalit-palit ng picture dahil lang sa hindi kami nagkakaintindihan.
It pained me when I saw our picture. His smile was so genuine here. I haven’t seen this for days and when I had the chance to, I blew it up. The way he looked at me was still the same when our eyes met a while ago. Only, his are lonely. He was in pain and I have read it all over his face. Parang bang wala akong kayang gawin kung hindi ang saktan siya, kahit ayaw ko.
