Chapter 87
When Louisse and I were able to have some small talks, she shared to me a lot of things she knows about science. It's very evident with the way she speaks that she is a huge fan of laws and theories. I've never paid attention to those back when I was still in school because they bore me to death. But I had it all figured it out now. The reason why I don't like such topics is because they state facts. They are real, inevitable and undeniable. It proves that there are some things that we cannot change in this world. There are some things that have already existed and will continue to exist and we cannot do anything to stop them from working that way.
Just like what she told me about the third law of motion by Newton. It says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This means that for every force there is a reaction force that is equal in size, but opposite in direction. That is to say that whenever an object pushes another object it gets pushed back in the opposite direction equally hard.
Cyrus and I are the two forces. Two years ago, I pushed him away-that was my force. His reaction force that is equal to mine is when he tried to make me stay; when he begged for me to stop him from going. He reacted equally based on what I did. When I pushed him, he was pulling himself back. He didn't want to let go. But I wanted him gone. And so he did.
But the law didn't stop there; it has this certain opposite reaction. Ibig sabihin, laging may kapalit. Mayroong mangyayari at mangyayari na iba. Hindi kagaya ng nauna mong ginawa. You cannot let go of something and get it back the same way you had it. If you throw a ball in the air, for it to come back, it must come from above, and not below. Opposite direction.
Actioni contrariam semper et æqualem esse reactionem: sive corporum duorum actiones in se mutuo semper esse æquales et in partes contrarias dirigi.
In English, to every action, there is always opposed an equal reaction: or the mutual actions of two bodies upon each other are always equal, and directed to contrary parts.
They are directed on contrary parts. Noong tinulak ko siya palayo, napunta ako sa posisyon kung saan hindi ako makabangon mula sa sakit na naidulot ng nagawa ko. I was stuck in him. I was never able to move on from that. This is where it brought me: endless torture.
Taliwas sa nangyari sa kaniya. Naging masaya siya. Gumaling ang mga sugat niya at hindi na siya nasasaktan pa. Ang layo na ng narating niya, ikakasal na siya. Habang ako, nandito pa din. Because it's true that when hearts break, they don't break even. The other gets to move on with its life, and the other gets stuck to where it was when it got scarred.
And I have been thinking about it lately. After the announcement of their engagement, it has gotten to me that maybe this is the opposite reaction of the decision I made two years ago. It's taking its effect now. Because I let him go, he decided to love someone else. He decided to move on with his life and forget about his love for me.
I understand that the third law of motion just clearly states that in every decision that we make, we will reap a result. Whatever decisions we make today will determine the life that we will have in the future. Cause and effect. It would be easy to swallow if that law is just for the forces and not for humans. But it's not. And right now, I cannot do anything about it anymore. It will be my curse forever. I will never move on from it. One stupid decision screwed me up for the rest of my life. One wrong move brought me to a sempiternal torture.
Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako titigil sa pag-iyak. Ilang araw na ang nakakalipas mula ng marinig ko ang anunsyo ni Louisse, pero hanggang ngayon ay sumasakit pa din ang puso ko ng dahil doon. Habang buhay na yata akong masasaktan. The thought of him spending the rest of his life with someone that is not me is bringing an unbearable pain in my chest. And it won't end. I feel like I've been cursed for loving someone so much. It shouldn't be like this. Why does it have to end this way for Cyrus and I? I don't understand. I thought it will be us until the end. I dreamt about it. I had a clear vision of it. I had it all pictured in my head. But that will never materialize now.
