Chapter 50
Jillian’s POV
Sunday morning, rain is falling. Like literally. Geez. Nakakakulong tuloy ako sa unit ko at hindi ako makalabas.
It’s annoying. I’m left with nothing to do. I’ve already read the books I bought at Town Square a week ago. I just had a book shopping spree that time. Gift for myself since I’ve worked hard. It’s been two weeks since I started my OJT. And how did it go? It was a trainwreck! Napapaisip tuloy ako kung tama ba ang desisyon na ginawa ko four years ago.
Why this course? Why do I have to be in such mess?
I know I’m being a moaner but sometimes what you have on your plate is just too much. I’m pressured to the infinite times. Ang dami naming ginagawa sa field. Pakiramdam ko tuloy after ng OJT na ‘to ay magiging 25 na lang waistline ko.
But above all, I think I should be thankful. Kasi hindi nila kami ginawang taga-timpla ng kape ng mga bosses, or pinapabili ng office supplies somewhere, or the cliché internship award for the master of xerography. At kahit naman haggard kami, palagi namang mayroong pagkain. Halos araw-araw mayroon kaming free lunch at kapag nakakapag-OT, mayroong free dinner. Who can say no to free? Sabi nga ni Nick, iba ang hatak ng salitang libre. Well, touché!
Another thing is whenever I feel like I want to quit, our Training Manager would always say that we have to hold our grips because this is in preparation for the Professional world we’ll soon face. She’s right. This is no joke. We’re graduating, and after this, we’re going to work. Madness! That’s crazy. Parang dati lang, linalaro lang namin ni Mitch ang freshmen year namin. I didn’t involve myself in any organization until fourth year came. Before, I didn’t even know where college would lead me. Petiks. Laidback. That’s who I was. But I’ve realized that that shouldn’t be how it goes by this time.
I think most of the senior college students, if not all, are suffering from anxiety. That fear of what lies ahead after school? Will they get a good job afterwards? Will they choose the endeavor related to what they’ve studied? And a lot more!
This is pressuring. I just suffered from sleep deprivation last night thinking about it over and over. It’s slowly sinking in. I want to cry. I’m seeing the industry I’m ought to live through first hand. Kaya ko pa ba? Hindi ko na talaga alam. Hindi pa yata ako handa. Kung pwede lang maging Professional fan girl na lang ako. If only that would give me earnings, I would.
Napailing ako. Kahit kailan talaga ay napakareklamador ko.
Nakadagdag pa sa pagmumukmok ko itong ulan. My solitary feels are exploding. So, to save myself from depression, I went to the computer and played Mario.
I feel jealous. This red hatted idiot is so lucky, he doesn’t know how terrible this life is. He isn’t feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. No one is pressuring him to find a high-paying job after finishing every level. Not that my parents are, though. It’s just that . . . oh, whatever.
While I was deeply enamoured by this game for the brainiacs, my phone rang. Na-dead tuloy ako. Nakakainis naman ‘tong si Mikey.
