So guys,
since I was tired the weekend and had a lot to think and write here is your next chapter. It is from EPOV and I think I like him even more now..he is this man filled with selfhatred and angst...
Here you go, enjoy and please please forgive my mistakes..still hadn't have time to install the new grammar and spelling programm.
I love you guys,
mourgana0704
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Chapter twelve
Lost, forever
EPOV
It happend out of surprise. I remember everything clearly. It was one week after the birth of my little treasure. I have thought a lot and remembering every detail of the birth was too much for me. It was my pain. I have done this to Bella and she was extremely strong but I wasn't; the pain and the guilt was eating me alive. Guilt that I have put her in that even that it brought me my son. But If I could I wouldn’t put Bella through it again. The worst thing was that when I tried to comfort her I couldn’t. Every touch was giving me pain. Like I was doing something horrible and the worst of all was that Bella was trying with all her possible energy to get me into her just say to be with her. I couldn’t. No will never do it. At least for now. She will understand. She allways understands me.
This was my mistake. The worst that I have done in my life. Even killing human in my early years wasn’t that bad.
It felt like someone ripped my heart out and started to chew on it whilst it kept beating…I was broken. The family was broken. Bellas parents were broken too.
We know nothing. I tried to track her with the mobile but she must have turned it off or at least to flight mode. She left all the credit cards so this possibility was also gone. On the other hand I was worried I mean how would she survive. How could she do this to me, to us, to our son. She had left everything here with me!
Six months has just passed and I haven’t found a track of her. Charly tried to find her car at least but didn’t be successful. She must have locked it up or something.
I remember the dream I had of her and how she told me goodbye. I felt like left all alone in the woods ready to die…
May be I deserve this. I mean I just took Bella as an eternal gift and maybe didn’t appreciate it..I mean maybe I didn’t appreciate her properly. My mind was wrapped all when I heard someone open the door and sitting next to me on my bed. Our bed. Bellas scent was fading. I kept allways some of her clothes next to my pillow just to remember her and with that the pain was my daily basis to deal with.
Someone shook me.
“Edward” I heard Alice
“Alice leave me alone” I mumbled. I wanted to die but no one would grant me this wish now and forever.
“Edward Mason Cullen, get your eyes open. I have something to tell you. I saw something!”
Immediately my eyes flew open. “What Alice, what did you see?”
“ I saw a townhouse and Bella working but it must have been in the past six month”
“Where?” I whispered
When she didn’t respond I started to yell “Where Alice!?”
“It is not my place to say but she and Heru are fine! He sent me the mental images and a message”
Immediately I was in her mind reading it.
“Tell Daddy Momma still loves him but …(the message broke) ..I love him too and this is our new home. Momma made it for me. She is brave and defending herself and me in the best way. I love you Aunty. I love you all.”
I started to sob. What have I done?! Tears where running down my cheek. My breath was almost gone when Jasper entered the room. For the first time when I looked at him- my vision still blurry- I saw him. He was Thoth.
“Thoth…Do not judge me…” I whispered. Knowing that he was the Judge in ancient egypt. He might judge me too right now.
“Thoth?” Alice asked in confusion.
“I know I am Thoth. I found it out in the last 4 month when I wanted to see what time brings and I found out that I could controll time! But...” He said with a loud and demanding voice “I can not change fate, Edward. This is the universe all by itself. But I can tell that it was indeed your mistake you shouldn’t have done that. And you know what. You rejected her and this was the break in your bond. Just because you were afraid that she were in pain. It is not yours only to decide…” He ended his sentence.
He was so damn right. I was an asshole. How could I have done this to my one and only love…my Bella. I have replaced the wedding picture and was starring at it now and made a decision. I will find her one day and then we will be reunited. I will not give up on her!
“There you go Edward!” Alice cheered.
“What?” I asked confused.
“Can’t tell” she said.
She was hiding her thoughts but was looking like the cat who ate the canary…
There must be hope, right? Hope? Do I have hope?
