Flames || Rhink

Happy

The show went well. Not fantastic, but well.

I didn't barf, or cry, or quit. I just did what felt natural.

I laughed with Rhett and I made jokes. Funny or not, I got a taste of the old me back while filming that one little video.

There was a moment in between it all when I said something stupid and knew it was stupid because no one laughed, not even Rhett.

I took me a second to get the courage to laugh about it myself, but I did. Rhett laughed with me and then soon we were all cackling like lunatics.

Rhett let me take over.

We had decided that instead of doing some crazy video, we would just sit down and talk to the mythical beasts. We wouldn't tell them everything, but we would say things like, "I needed time to deal with something tough that was going through." 

He said, "Link never meant to hurt anyone. He just needed a little break and we respect him for that."

I remember feeling self conscious in front of the crew, because I knew that they knew what bullshit we were sugar coating this with. They saw right through me.

But they didn't know that I had quickly fallen into a pool of depression and self harm. They didn't know that I almost gave up. They didn't see the scars because those were mine. 

It wasn't bullshit I was giving the mythical beasts, it was the easiest way to say I wasn't okay. 

"I am so glad to be back here, with all of you, doing what I love," I said lastly, putting my best smile on. 

I was starring dead into that camera. I began to think of the people who would watch this.

The mythical beasts who have been there since day one. The mythical beasts who told me I saved their lives. The mythical beasts who might just do to themselves, what I do to myself. 

I thought about all the victims of self harm and I thought about how I never gave it a second thought before.

I smiled.

"I'm happy."

Rhett glanced at me. He seemed utterly shocked at my words.

"Good. You deserve to be," he said, reaching out and caressing my cheek.

I grabbed his hand and blew him the lamest of kisses.

He laughed, sending it right back.

We weren't going to hide our love. If they din't like us, they didn't matter.

We were so grateful to have each other. We wanted the fans to know that. 

Rhett looked at the camera and gave it a thumbs up.

The show was over.

I had made it through. I felt good about it.

The crew was clapping, Rhett was clapping. All eyes were on me. 

They were clapping for me.

I blushed, feeling the attention.

"Thank you guys," I said before standing and grabbing my mug. Oh how I missed this mug.

"This is going to be the best season yet. I can just feel it."

Rhett was quietly following me.

We left the set and ended up in the kitchen.

I looked through the cabinets, through the fridge. I wasn't starving, but I was hungry. A newly defined feeling for me.

I wanted cereal but it looked like we were out.